Aug. 12: Thursday Thunks #16

Thursday Thunks (TT) is a blog meme for those who need a little kick in the butt to find something to post about. Your blog posts/answers to TTs can be type or pictures, doesn’t matter! YOU pick, not us, we just give you the assignment (yep, just like English class... only we won’t grade your spelling and grammar).

1. What radio personality bothers you the most?
   Does Rush Limbaugh have a personality? If so, it’s his.
2. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
   Have you seen the episode of The Office when Michael goes out into the forest to prove that he can survive on his own, and nearly dies after just a few hours? I think I’d be a lot like that.
3. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, and neither her significant other or yours would never know, might you do the deed?
   No.
4. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
   Be pursued, if I remember correctly.
5. Use three words to describe yourself.
   Tired, sleepy, exhausted.
6. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
   The present.
7. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing, other than family or pets, that you grabbed?
   The wedding album, I guess. Even though I’d rather have all my scrapbooks and photo albums, I know exactly where the wedding album is—the other things are spread all over the house.
8. Was your mom a cheerleader?
   No, but she was a majorette.
9. Was your dad a jock?
   He liked to think he was. He was very “Al Bundy” when he reminisced about his days as an athlete.
10. What’s your favorite junk food?
    McDonalds French fries.
11. Do you believe in reincarnation?
    I don’t think I do. The concept is fascinating, though.

Aug. 11: Fill ‘er up

Yesterday Mom and I are out running errands like mad women who had just gotten out of chemo—which is exactly what we were—and I stop for gas. Here in Oregon we can’t pump our own gas, so I stay in my seat and pull the thingie to open my gas tank cover. And, because I’m an awesome multi-tasker, I also open the passenger side window to give the attendant my debit card so he won’t have to walk all the way around the car because I’m not just an awesome multi-tasker, but also kind of a nice person sometimes.

Unfortunately, I don’t pull the thingie to open my gas tank cover. I pull the thingie that pops my trunk open. Apparently I suck at multi-tasking.

So I say to my mom, forgetting that her window is wide open, “OH GEEZ, I just popped my trunk. I’m such an idiot. Everyone here just saw the dumb girl do it. I’m so embarrassed!” She starts giggling as the attendant, who undoubtedly heard what I just said (along with everyone else there), walks toward the car.

I say, “Nope, I’m not gonna look like a dummy. Be right back.”

So I hop out of my car. In Oregon, if you get out of your car at a gas station, the attendants sometimes freak out a little because they think you might be trying to pump your own gas and that means they’ll have to call 911 or yell at you. As soon as I get out of the car, I see the attendant look my direction (he’d been interrupted on his way to my car).

Knowing he’s watching me, I go to the trunk and rearrange stuff, totally looking like I popped it open for good reason. And Mom even tries to help. She yells out to me, “Jen, did you find my iPhone back there?”

“No, it’s not in here!”

“OK.”

I think her “OK” sounds like she doesn’t really care that her iPhone isn’t back there or possibly missing, or that she might, in fact, not even own an iPhone. So I yell back, “Did you check under the seat?”

And she giggles, “Oh, it’s probably in my purse.”

I slam the trunk closed and get back in the car.

“Thanks, Mom. That totally fooled ‘em.” We chuckle conspiratorially.

Just then the attendant appears at her window. I hand him my card and say, “Fill it up with regular unleaded, please.”

Mom starts giggling again. “It’s all unleaded now, Jen.”

“I know, but there are different kinds. There’s regular, and plus…” And then I realize that she’s talking about the type of gas, not the quality.

“Oh. Geez, first I pop my trunk and then I ask the guy for unleaded gas as though he’s going to put something else in there. Could I be any dumber?” I start to bang my forehead against the steering wheel.

Mom just sits and giggles. She’s too nice to agree with me. Also, when she gets the giggles she can’t do much else.

So I’m sitting there, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world and glad this is not a gas station I go to very often, especially when the attendant leans back in Mom’s window and says to me, “Ma’am, I can’t pump the gas until you turn off your engine.”

Aug. 10: Chemo #13

Yep, today was my 13th chemo session. I’m pretty sure I’ve had enough. I want to be done now.

Once again, it took two very painful sticks to get my IV in. I can feel my pain tolerance lowering every time. The nurse asked why I didn’t have a port, and I’m all BECAUSE NO ONE EVER EVEN MENTIONED IT, THAT’S WHY. She said I should’ve asked for one. NOW they tell me… I could have avoided the IVs and blood draws and all that stuff for the past eight months???

Grrrr.

That makes me oh-so-angry.

So I punched the nurse in the eye. Hey, she totally deserved it.

I’ve still got several treatments to go, but she said it was too late to get a port now. DAMMIT. I was so mad, I punched her again.

And then I asked her if she could give those ouchies to Dr. O in a message because OMG, that is the most infuriating news I’ve gotten in a long time.

In other news, my blood pressure is improving but still needs work. The pain in my hand is as bad as ever. And the nurse was shocked when I mentioned I have dandruff—she’d never heard of such a thing! I found evidence on message boards all over the ‘net that lots of skanks people get post-chemo dandruff, so I assured her I’m not a loony.

(Pssst: I might be a loony.)

Mother Mary went with me today, and was much better behaved than the last time she was my chemo buddy. The last time she went along was my very first time, and we were all very nervous and frightened and even though I don’t remember her misbehaving, she said she did. Naughty Mother Mary! Anyway, she brought magazines and we got to chit-chat and she didn’t make me feel guilty when I fell asleep. She kind of gave me a dirty look, but I pretended not to notice and fake-snored until she stopped.

How many more treatments? Three? Twelve? Whatever it is, it’s too many. I’m tired of being grouchy. I’m tired of getting my hands poked with sharp needles many times. I’m tired of my dandruff. I’m tired of being tired. I’m just so, so tired.

Aug. 9: Daybook

Today…

Outside my window... it’s overcast and not very sunny. It was breezy (chilly) during our PTO board meeting at the park this morning. That was not very fun. The meeting was productive in spite of the cool weather, though, because we are awesome.

I am thinking... that out of the corner of my eye, the pencil holder thing I just set on the floor looks like my dog sitting and staring at me. She totally does that, and I hate it and I’ve almost yelled at my pencil holder three times since I sat down.

I am thankful for... Victor’s day off today. He was on call, but home, for the first day in a long time. It was nice to see him! I’m also thankful for my mom being here. She’s fun to hang with, and she does good things like take Jack to swimming lessons and run to the grocery store for us and cook for our kids.

From the kitchen... we’re at one of those stages where the pantry contents are totally unappealing, the refrigerator’s mostly empty, and we definitely need to do some menu planning and grocery shopping. I hate when we get like this. It makes every meal such a chore.

I am creating... a new format for the PTO budget, and it’s taking every last brain cell. Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t think I’m smart enough for this job. Or, possibly, any job.

I am going... to chemo tomorrow. Mom’s my chemo buddy.

I am reading... very inconsistently lately. I started a new book last week and when I picked it up a few days later I had to start from the beginning again because I couldn’t remember anything I’d already read. What’s with my concentration these days? I think the PTO budget ate it.

I am hoping... this dandruff shampoo friggin’ works. Why it was behind a locked barrier in the store, I don’t know, but I wasn’t about to go ask someone to open it for me. Can you imagine? “Cootie-skank on Aisle 4 has dandruff! Key-holder to Aisle 4 where we store the dandruff shampoo and STD creams behind locked barriers because only skanks have dandruff and STDs and everyone knows they shoplift!” Fortunately, Mom has long arms and she just reached right in there and grabbed what I needed. It was embarrassing as hell buying dandruff shampoo, though. I hope the 20 glue sticks I bought at the same time distracted the cashier.

I am hearing... the neighbor kids yelling outside. This doesn’t bother me; I love living where kids can play safely at dusk. I’m also hearing Gilly bark at every one of those kids’ sounds. This kinda does bother me. His bark is MONSTER, and I pee a little every time.

Around the house... Mom is doing lots of our chores, including cleaning up our pee puddles. Thanks, Mom!

One of my favorite things... is new school supplies, which my dining room table is full of right now. I’ve got tons for my own kids and a bunch for donating too.

A few plans for the rest of the week: chemo tomorrow, work (hopefully) on Wednesday, Moms’ Night for Jack’s new football league, the end of Jack’s swimming lessons, and a trip to Salem on Saturday.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.

Aug. 7: Fairy dust? NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.

So, I’m sitting at my computer the other day, doing something important and totally not playing a game or watching YouTube videos of dogs talking, and I scratch my head. Sort of a “hmmmmm…” kind of scratch, like smart people do to help themselves think. And I look down at the front of me and see white flakes on my black shirt.

Odd.

So I scratch my head again, and there are more.

And then I think, NO FRIGGIN’ WAY, I HAVE DANDRUFF AND ALSO I SHOULD STOP PRETENDING TO BE SMART.

I search the ‘net for “chemo-related dandruff,” because I’ve never had dandruff in my life and I condition my small amount of hair regularly, and even when I was Kojak-bald I moisturized regularly so HOW THE HELL CAN THIS BE HAPPENING???

(I kinda freaked out over the dandruff, which is fairly obvious given my extensive use of the CAPS LOCK key, hm?)

In my search, I found that lots of people have dandruff post-chemo, but instead of feeling better to know this is somewhat normal, it makes me wonder when the indignities that come with cancer ever stop. I’m beginning to think they may not, and that’s going to get me yelling again if I think about it very much, so let’s change the subject.

Let’s talk about hamsters. Aren’t they cute?

OK, I can only pretend to think about things beside dandruff for so long. Somebody’s gotta talk me down, because this is what I look like right now:

 (not actually a picture of me)

And this is what I do whenever I touch my head and see a white flake fall, which is not even a tiny bit like watching snowflakes fall but more like what I imagine lepers feel when they drop limbs:

 (also not actually a picture of me)

Not funny, gods of hirsuteness. You suck. I hate you for giving me hair that grows in 14 different directions and I hate you for giving me dandruff. DANDRUUUUUFF! As soon as I find a way to get back at you, I’m totally gonna. First, though, I have to see a dermatologist because that’s just what I wanted—another specialist for dealing with the side effects of chemotherapy.

“Fairy dust,” my ass.

Aug. 6: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

• This morning Katie and Jack stood and outside their rooms and argued. Jack said, “My [decorated] door looks cooler than your door.” Katie came back with, “My door is better organized.” Is that my girl, or what? Also, kind of a Miss Hospital Corners. So, y’know… yikes.
• Gilly is here with us for a couple weeks while Mom gallivants around the Northwest. The neighbor kids know Gilly now that he’s been here several times, so he gets to have mini-reunions every time our doorbell rings, which he loves more than a little bit. Earlier this week we walked him over to Fancy Lori™’s neighborhood for a play date with her puppy, Fancy Charlie™. How well it went depends on who you ask. We two-leggeds loved watching the dogs romp and chase. Gilly seemed a bit stressed over Charlie’s occasional over-exuberance. Charlie liked messin’ with Gilly except when Gilly tried to get his treats. Then Charlie became Snarly Charlie™, and who could blame him? They were LIVER treats. We’re hoping to get together again before Gilly leaves for more bark-y fun.
• Last night we came home early from dinner out with the fam because I was feeling so tired and needed to rest. About 20 minutes after I got home, Sunshine called and said she was kid-free and being impulsive and wanted to go to a movie. I got a burst of energy, I guess, because I got so excited to do something outside of my own house after 9:00, I said YES!!! without even thinking. Ten minutes after I got home I thought I’d collapse. I’m sure I’ll be paying for this adventure all day today, but it was tons o’ fun.
• The movie we saw was Charlie St. Cloud, starring the very yummy Zac Efron. [Attention: if you are Sheila R, stop reading now or you’ll be sick. Everyone else is allowed to continue.] Sunshine and I both have the extreme cougar hots for Zac. I still haven’t figured out exactly what I thought of the movie, but I will say this: the lighting people did a VERY good job making Zac look all aglow in every scene. I imagine that’s how he and I would look in our everyday lives if I was 20 years younger and he met me and he loved me back and I had hair. Perfectly, attractively lit at all times. Yes, I’m quite sure.
• Jack starts flag football next week. He’s been dying to do this. He thinks he’s already awesome at football and I don’t have the heart to tell him he throws like a girl. No, he throws like Nana. If she were Stevie Wonder. I don’t really care if he ends up sucking at football; I’m glad he wants to try and just hope it doesn’t turn into another soccer experience. Jack ROCKED at soccer but hated the game.
• This was a week of eating in many restaurants. It was pretty great. Kim F’n, Sunshine and I had lunch out on Wednesday, and later Victor and I had date night. Yesterday Mom took us out to Biscuits Café for lunch—I had the OMG Eggs Benedict Corned Beef Hash (I added the ‘OMG’ because OMG, it was delicious)—and we belatedly celebrated Daryl’s birthday at yet another restaurant. So much good food! So much good company! Also, some tiny hands.
  
  
  I had the pastrami fries at Kenny & Zuke’s. I ate approximately one-third before I gave up. That’s some serious meat and potatoes there! Sooo good, though. Love that deli.
• In spite of all appearances otherwise, I’ve been feeling pretty crappy this past week. I’m so, so tired. I’ve also been having more trouble with numbness and tingling in my left hand. I can’t lift heavy things, and my thumb is especially hard to use. I joked earlier about it being an iPhone injury, but have since changed the way I hold my phone and use the computer, and I’m still having the problems. Hopefully I can find some resolution next week at chemo. I don’t have an appointment to see the oncologist, but the chemo nurses can ask her questions for me anyway.
• We have a busy weekend ahead. The kids are going to Grandpa & Grandma’s for one last sleepover with Presley tonight. Victor’s working both Saturday and Sunday, which is not so great, but that means he’ll have at least one day off next week. With all the hours being cut at the hospital, I guess it’s good that he has the chance to pick up an extra shift here and there. We have a wedding to go to Saturday evening. Mom will be back sometime on Sunday and will hang with us for a few days before venturing off yonder again.
• Two of my favorite photos from this week:

Sunshine, me and Kim F’n having a girls’ lunch out
That there on either side of me are two of my favorite peoples!

Mother Mary is eating pig! PIG! And she’s not being struck by lightning!
(She always made me think I’d be struck by lightning if I ate bacon.)
(Because she used to be a little nutty.)

Have a great weekend! Many, many lovies—

Aug. 5: Creation of a freak

You’ve seen the singing sisters on the Lawrence Welk sketches on Saturday Night Live, right? If you haven’t, take a minute and watch this:

The other night we were all watching the videos of Junice (we think that’s her name, anyway) and roaring at her tiny, tiny hands and overall odd behavior. Such fun! Presley—Daryl & Sally’s daughter—started jumping around pretending to pop bubbles, and she was as entertaining as the creepy SNL character. Scary and hilarious. Scalarious.

In anticipation of seeing Presley this evening, the kids and I made a special little surprise for her. First, we bought a fancy dollar store doll.

We chose this particular one because it had a wonky eye. When we went to take a picture of the wonky eye, I accidentally poked it and turned it inside out. Hard to believe this doll could get any creepier, but TA-DAAAA! She just did.

Katie noticed that her butt had some gnarly lookin’ stuff inside. I’m sure it was just put in there to weigh her down and help her sit better, but OMG, it looked so nasty. More on that below…

Surgery began. We got out a scalpel (cheap scissors) and were done in two good chops.

Not gross. Nope.

 

Not grosser. Nope.

The chopsticks (another expensive item) would become this doll’s new arms.

Jack pulled out the guts.

We jabbed the end of each chopstick into her wrist.

Our very own tiny handed bubble popper!

Back to the doll, I had to peek at exactly what was inside her arse.

A close-up didn’t help me identify the matter. Whatever it was, I don’t think it belongs in a toy. Not one sold in the U.S., anyway.

The finished product: two hands! I wasn’t about to get rid of the feet, though. Presley would figure out something fun to do with them, I’m sure.

Here’s Jack, trying out the freaky baby hands. Pure awesomeness, right?

We gave these to Presley tonight and she used them throughout dinner. She used them to pass us things, scratch her mom’s back, pick her nose, rest her chin… she thought of almost everything. Too bad we didn’t have bubbles; we could’ve entertained our fellow diners at Claim Jumper. Next time.

Aug. 5: Thursday thunks #15

Thursday Thunks (TT) is a blog meme for those who need a little kick in the butt to find something to post about. Your blog posts/answers to TTs can be type or pictures, doesn’t matter! YOU pick, not us, we just give you the assignment (yep, just like English class... only we won’t grade your spelling and grammar).

1. Do you have any special talents? Tell us about them.
   I type with lightning speed. That’s the only prize I could possibly win in a Miss America pageant: “she typed up those meeting minutes supa-fast.” SAD TROMBONE SOUND.
2. What is your favorite sound?
   Silence is quite lovely.
3. What was your favorite TV show as a child or teen?
   Love Boat
4. There are a lot of specialty TV networks now devoted to things like golf, gardening, shopping, game shows, sports, news and sci-fi. Do you have any favorite TV networks?
   A lot of shows I watch are on NBC. I like some of the USA network original programming. Comedy Central frequently rocks.
5. What is your guilty pleasure TV show?
   I haven’t seen too many episodes of Big Love, but I find it quite entertaining, and that makes me feel dirty.
6. What is your favorite sci-fi movie?
   I hate sci-fi, so my favorite would have to be more of a mainstream sci-fi flick like Back to the Future or Jurassic Park. I don’t think those really count, do they?
7. What is your favorite reality show?
   Ugh. I hate most reality TV, but Deadliest Catch is watchable.
8. When shopping at the grocery store, do you always return your cart?
   Almost always.
9. Do you take compliments well?
   Aw, shucks! (No.)

Aug. 3: Day 3 of 31DBBB

Today’s exercise for 31 Days to Build a Better Blog is:

Day #3: Promote a Blog Post

I already do this regularly, according to the instructor’s explanation of promotion. Here are ways he suggests to promote a specific post (which he prefers over promoting an entire blog):

1. Pitching Other Bloggers – I can’t do this. I might privately message another blogger to share a post with them, but I certainly wouldn’t ask them to re-post something I wrote, or to push it for me.
2. Social Messaging – I link to most my blog posts on Facebook. Occasionally I share them on Twitter.
3. Social Bookmarking – Again, this is a bit out of my comfort zone. Not that I would mind showing up on Digg, but I can’t go around telling everyone how fabulous I am. I just can’t.
4. Internal Links – This is done with the “You might also like” thing at the bottom of each post. Built-in self-promotion, I can do.
5. Newsletters – I don’t send out a newsletter. I usually share my blog URL on our Christmas letter, but that has a fairly small circulation and I can’t imagine I get a lot of traffic from that.
6. Other Blogs Comments Sections and Forums – I frequently comment on other blogs, and occasionally on forums.
7. Email Signatures – Been doing this for years.
8. Followup Posts – I link to previous posts all the time.
9. Advertise Your Post – I don’t have advertising set up on my blog. If my numbers got way up high, I’d do it, though.
10. Pitch Mainstream Media – Haven’t found an appropriate post for this yet.
11. Article Marketing – Again, not yet. Maybe someday.

I think the only thing on the list that I would feel comfortable with (that I don’t already do) is maybe being more active on other blogs and forums. Not that I think this exercise was useless; it’s good to be reminded of alternatives for promotion. If I ever decide to try to make my blog go nutso-popular, I’ve got new techniques tucked away in the back of my brain.

Aug. 2: Daybook

My bloggy friend Jen E has been doing this Daybook thing for a while now. I like that it makes it (seem) easy to sort out one’s week before it really gets going, so decided to give it a try too.

Today…

Outside my window... it is sunny and beautiful. Bright blue sky. Not too hot yet. I am going to be out there in it soon. This is not a day to stay indoors.

I am thinking... of taking some water aerobics classes. I asked about them this morning at the aquatic center; when I explained my health situation the woman said, “You’d probably feel comfortable in the 11:00 class because there are mostly handicapped people in it.” I’ve never been called ‘handicapped’ before. Not sure I liked it. But I could probably out-aerobicize all o’ them wheelchair folk! I’m so in!

I am thankful for... my family. My good kids (today, anyway). My incredible friends. So many wonderful people in my life. Happiness.

From the kitchen... there’s not much going on. We might attempt cookies this week. I found a recipe for those delicious chocolatey cookies with the dusting of powdered sugar—my friend’s mom made them with us a bunch of times when I was little and just seeing the photo of them brought back happy memories.

I am wearing... jeans and a shirt. I’ll put on a scarf and shoes before I leave the house.

I am creating... an even bigger mess in my attempt to clean and sort closets. It’s wearing me out, but if I stop now, it’ll never get done. And I’m kinda cursing the fact that we recently downsized our garbage can, because we could really use the space right now. Thank goodness the recycle bin can be used for a lot of what we’re discarding.

I am going... shopping with the kids this afternoon. Katie needs a new lunchbox, and Jack needs shirts. Maybe a little something for Mommy too???

I am reading... nothing right now. The next book on my list, though, is by Pamela Ribon. Of course.

I am hoping... to get a nap this afternoon. My sleep during the night has been very tossy-turny and I’m not getting enough.

I am hearing... the kids fight over Vic’s birthday cake downstairs. I am not intervening because I don’t want any for myself. Otherwise, though, I’d be ‘punishing’ them for fighting. (Punishing = Mommy gets all the cake.)

Around the house... we’ve been finding more and more evidence that Casey is losing bladder control. It’s sad, but so very frustrating, too. I want to put a giant wee-wee pad down in every room.

One of my favorite things... is the fountain in our front yard. It makes a lovely sound, and it’s calming. When birds come to drink, all the better. It’s a sure sign that I’m getting old, isn’t it, when I can sit and watch water for long periods of time? Gah.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Jack’s swimming lessons, possibly some water aerobics for handicapped Jen, Mom and Gilly’s visit, blah blah blah. I wrote about this in my last post.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing:

Want to blog your own Daybook? Here’s the info: The Simple Woman’s Daybook.