I've only been falling-down, puke-my-guts-out drunk a handful of times in my life, but I remember enough to know that I prefer drunkenness as a spectator sport. I think drunk people are hugely entertaining. Most of them, anyway. The mean drunks suck; you just wonder if they've loosened up enough to finally tell you the truth. No thanks.
While I can't totally identify with this list I found while browsing the web today, I can still appreciate the humor. I hope you do too.
When girls drink too much...
- We have absolutely no idea where our purse is
- We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butt while yelling “woo-hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around
- We’ve suddenly decided that we want to kick someone’s butt and honestly believe we could do it too
- In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we were just four hours ago
- We drop our 3:00 a.m. submarine sandwich on the floor (which we’re eating even though we are not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it
- We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them sooo much
- We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because “Oh my god! I love this song!”
- We’ve found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us
- The man we’re flirting with used to be our fifth grade teacher
- The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming to us
- Our eyes just don’t seem to want to stay open on their own so we keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy
- We’ve suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it
- We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade, but that’s just because we can no longer taste the gin
- We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor
- We start every conversation with a booming “Don’t take this the wrong way but...”
- We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down when we sit on it
- Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves
- We are tired so we just sit on the floor (wherever we happen to be standing) and take a quick nap
- We begin leaving the buttons open on our button fly pants to cut down on the time we’re in the bathroom away from our drink
- We take our shoes off because we believe it’s their fault that we’re having problems walking straight
Heh heh heh. Alcohol makes people do funny stuff.