stuff jen says: Aug. 27: ‘Eureka!’ moments?

USA Today has published this list of what they call ‘Eureka! moments,’ inventions that have changed our lives since 1982. (They chose 1982 because it was their first year in publication, but probably also because of four lovely people I know that tell me ‘82 ruled.)

Cellphones
Laptop computers
BlackBerries (I'm guessing they mean the handheld electronic devices rather than the annoying pokey plants that keep showing up in my backyard)
Debit cards
Caller ID (in singsong voice: love it!)
DVDs
Lithium rechargeable batteries
iPods
Pay at the pump (in Oregon, it doesn't really make that much difference though; attendants still freak out if you start to get out of your car)
Lettuce in a bag (why do they even SELL whole heads of lettuce anymore?)
Digital cameras
Doppler radar (yeah, it totally helps those weather forecasters get it right)
Flat-panel TVs (I don't have one yet, but when I do I'm pretty sure "Eureka!" won't be the first words out of my mouth)
Electronic tolls (um, okaaaay...)
PowerPoint
Microwavable popcorn (not me, thanks. If it isn't theater-style then it has to be naked. I still prefer air-popped. Oh, 'cept kettle corn)
High-tech footwear (my vertical leap is way better thanks to my high-tech footwear)
Online stock trading
Big Bertha golf clubs (yup. tooootally changed my life.)
Disposable contacts
StairMaster (I think it's nice to be reminded that "the thing I hang my clothes on" actually has a name)
TiVo (oh. my. goddess. This belongs ever so much higher on the list)
Purell
Home satellite TV
Karaoke (has this really changed our lives in any other way than giving us something more to laugh at our drunk friends over?)

What do you think? Did they get it right? Seems like e-mail should be somewhere on the list ... those steps that let your old and/or fat dogs get up on the bed ... wi-fi at Starbucks ... Go-GURT ... in-car DVD players ... helmet laws ... online bill pay ... stadium theater seating ... The Simpsons ... disposable toilet brushes ... curbside recycling ... magnetic bumper stickers ...

What else?

—Jen

facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

Aug. 27: ‘Eureka!’ moments?

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