Jan. 28: Toodles, blech-drink

The headline caught my eye: "Say Goodbye to Postum."

Ah, Postum. What self-respecting SDA can say they never tried it? And what self-respecting human being can say they thought it was a suitable replacement for the sinful caffeine-laden coffee? A favorite of Adventists and Mormons (only), Kraft Foods says the popularity of Postum has declined and they're no longer producing it. Apparently since the announcement was made, people have been selling it on eBay for 20 times its purchase price (which, in my opinion, is about a bazillion times its actual value).

I don't know why a handful of people are upset. First of all, if you want coffee but can't take the caffeine, here's an idea: try decaf. Dur. Secondly, you can easily make your own Postum. This is my best guess at its contents:

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1 cup hot water
12 moldy teabags
4 cans cat food (any flavor)
1 Tbsp. Mrs. Butterworths
Dash black pepper
3 stickbugs
1 paper towel

Mix all ingredients in a food processor. Strain a little bit, and drink.

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I guarantee you, it'll taste exactly like the real thing and no one will ever know the difference.

Goodbye, Postum, indeed. Good riddance.