Apr. 19: Call me the truth fairy

I love Snopes.com. Like underwear, it holds the answer to all the important questions. And with its help, today I’m going to ruin all the things you’ve believed your whole life, you dummy. I mean, um, I love you!

• Gum does not take seven years to digest. It goes through your system just like everything else, though it pretty much comes out looking like it did going in. I’m gonna take their word for that.
  
• Some hair related things: shaving does not make your hair grow back thicker or darker. Shampooing does not make your hair fall out, it’d do that anyway (we all shed!). Your hair does not become accustomed to a shampoo, thus rendering it ineffective. Brushing your hair a hundred times every night, Marcia Brady, is not going to enhance its shine or health; in fact, it actually hurts your hair more than it helps it. Dur.
  
• Baby birds will not be rejected by their mothers if touched by humans. Still, you should leave ‘em be.
  
• The dog years to human years ratio of 7:1 is way off.
  
• Interstate highways were not designed to be airstrips in time of war.
  
• Marking “Jedi” as your religion will not force the government to grant it official status. But it sure is funny!
  
• Your roommate’s suicide will not guarantee you a 4.0 GPA.
  
• Coke will not dissolve a tooth overnight, nor will you explode if you drink it with Pop Rocks.
  
• That National Do Not E-mail Registry you signed up for to cut down on the spam you receive? It’s a hoax. So are most of the other e-mails you get.
  
• Mama Cass did not choke to death on a ham sandwich, though that’s a lot more amusing than the truth.
  
• Otto Titzling is not responsible for inventing the brassiere, and Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet.
  
• Poinsettias are not poisonous.
  
• No part of Walt Disney has been preserved cryogenically.
  
• Rice thrown at weddings is not harmful to birds; in fact, it’s harmful to people because it's slippery on hard surfaces.
  
• Turkey does not make you sleepy. The amount of tryptophan a person could consume at one sitting is not enough to affect their sleepiness without several other factors also being present. Maybe you should just stop stuffing your face, you pig.
  
• Plastic water bottles do not become carcinogenic, even if they’re frozen. Microwaving plastic containers isn’t going to kill you either. Stop forwarding all the warnings, mmkay?
  
• Mr. Ed wasn’t a horse; he was a zebra.
  
• Nobody was ever charged $250 by Neiman-Marcus for a cookie recipe.
  
• Californians do not need hunting licenses to set mousetraps.
  
• Caesar salad is not named for Julius Caesar. It’s named after a different dude (probably one that knew how to cook).
  
• An American flag that touches that ground does not need to be burned.
  
• Tapping a shaken and unopened soda can will not keep it from foaming over.
  
• Ingesting Visine does not induce daddy-wee-wa.
  
• Turns out Twinkies do have a shelf life: 25 days.
  
• Pee in the pool all you want. There’s no such thing as a chemical that will tell on you.
  
• The actress that was painted gold in Goldfinger did not die from asphyxiation.
  
• The average person does not swallow eight spiders a year.
  
• Five-second rule? There’s no such thing.
  

If there's anything you don't believe, you'll find sources at Snopes.

(bonus points if you caught the Grandpa Simpson reference)

--J.