Apr. 10: I'm a-scared

I think it’s pretty normal that we all have irrational fears (and yes, I realize that statement is an oxymoron but I’m not gonna fix it). These are some things that freak me out, and in my little brain they are totally rational fears.

1. I never, ever sleep on my side with the back of my neck uncovered. Why? Because this would leave me completely exposed to a vampire’s attack. For some reason the front of my neck is safe.
   
   
2. Spiders. I hate ‘em. Like most kids, I had tarantula nightmares for years after seeing the Hawaii episodes of The Brady Bunch. Don’t try to explain all the good things spiders do. I won’t listen. To me they’re all hairy, fanged, murderous beasts. Needless to say, I don’t do that "rescue" thing when I find them indoors. They get smooshed as quickly as possibly, preferably by anyone other than me.
   
   
3. Movies/TV shows where someone is being watched and doesn’t know it. When I was about 12 I was on a babysitting gig and watched Little House on the Prairie; remember that harmless little program? Yeah, the scariest thing that ever happened usually had something to do with that diabolical Nellie Oleson, not a stalking and rape. Sheesh. I watched the whole episode, turned off the TV and sat frozen on the couch until the parents came home. I hardly slept that night. Or the next night. It completely freaked me out, especially the scenes shot from the clown/rapist’s point of view. I just couldn't get it out of my head. No thanks. Just writing about it gives me the shivers again. I lost sleep over The Firm too, both while reading the book and again after I saw the movie. There was also a CSI: Crime Scene Investigation not too long ago that was a little too stalker-y for my liking. Nothing gives me nightmares more predictably than seeing this kind of stuff. Yikes-a-hootie.
   
   Now, you’d think after that Little House episode that clowns would creep me out too. They don’t. I’m not terribly fond of clowns, but I’m not afraid of them.
   
   
4. After taking a shower, I always put on a robe before I walk out of the bathroom because I’m never sure what’s going to be on the other side of that door. No question where this overcautious behavior stems from; my King Kamehameha Meanie Big Sister™ threw me outside naked after my bath many, many times when we were little.
   
   
5. If Vic is already asleep when I go to bed, I always check to make sure it's really him before I climb in. I check again if I get up to go to the bathroom during the night. Thank you, When a Stranger Calls.
   
   
6. Fire. I’m actually quite fascinated by fire—just ask my burn-scarred lab partners from junior-year chem—but I’m deathly afraid of freak-fires. Y’know, the ones that start during the night and are caused by excess lint in the laundry vent or a short in a power cord or spontaneous combustion or a spark from a hair dryer being blown into my hair while I fan the flame as I innocently groom myself. I think this fear is partly because of a story I read about Helen Keller once where an extension cord under her bed sparked a fire and she barely escaped. (Yeah, thanks to whoever gave us that historical biography book series. Good choice.)
   
   
7. Falling down an escalator. I mean, can you imagine the bruises?

Call me crazy, whatever. Let's hear some of your cuckoo fears. I'm sure they're much more rational.

--J.
P.S. I'm also afraid of cuckoos.