Maybe I should make Mondays my "posting stuff other people wrote" days. Y'think? This one was just too good not to share. I know every conversation at my parents' table went exactly like this when I was a kid. I'm sure of it. (Don't believe my mom if she denies it. She lies.)
--Jen
A Conversation at the Grown-up Table, as Imagined at the Kids' Table
by Simon Rich (The New Yorker)
Mom: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
Dad: OK.
Grandmother: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
Dad: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
Uncle: I'm having sex right now.
Dad: We all are.
Mom: Let's talk about which kid I like the best.
Dad: (laughing) You know, but you won't tell.
Mom: If they ask me again, I might tell.
Friend from work: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
Dad: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren't.
Mom: I'm angry! I'm angry all of a sudden!
Dad: I'm angry, too! We're angry at each other!
Mom: Now everything is fine.
Dad: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
Mom: There was a big sex.
Friend from work: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs)
Mom: I had a lot of wine, and now I'm crazy!
Grandfather: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
All: Yes.
Grandfather: Don't tell the kids.
I like this April 23rd post the best. Thanks for sharing what we all knew was going on...xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the part where Nana takes her teeth out and starts boogying to Glen Campbell. In case you forgot, YOU were the one who wore them. My memory is foggy, but I'm pretty sure about that stuff.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you obviously didn't grow up in the same family as me because MY nana would never take her teeth out in public. Though if she did, I WOULD be the first one to try them on (after a couple good boilings).
ReplyDeleteLori, this was my favorite Apr. 23 post too!