July 7: Party guidelines

Invitations to the big 40th birthday bash have been sent out. If you have not received one yet, it was either an oversight or we don’t like you. Feel free to send a gift or four anyway.

Here’s a copy of the invitation, just in case.



If you need directions to our house, please e-mail me (jennifer-at-manullang-dot-com) or Vic (victor-at-manullang-dot-com).

RSVPs are beginning to come in, and I’d like to address some of the questions that have accompanied them because I am concerned. Why do people think April and I throw naughty parties? We are not naughty girls. We are good girls. Oh fine, we’re not good girls, but we’re not the naked party kind of girls either. Anymore.

1. Are kids allowed?
   Yes. We are parents of young children and while we would all love an evening off, this is a time that our kids can get together and cause trouble that we can then blame on other parents. Also, we’ve scared off all babysitters in the area so we don’t really have a choice.
   
2. Is this clothing-optional or what?
   Clothing is not optional at this party for most people. We can tell you at the door if you’ll be asked to perform a slow, seductive strip tease. Most of you can count on arriving dressed, though, and not because we don’t want to see you naked but mostly because we don’t want to see you naked.
   
3. This isn't one of those parties where you have to drop your keys in a goldfish bowl is it?
   I do not know if I should be offended at this question because I’m not sure what it even means. That’s how clueless I am about naughty parties. But either way, the answer is no. I will not be taking anyone’s keys, nor will anyone be allowed to kill our goldfish.

Other assurances:

• We will not be playing “Two Minutes in the Closet.” That got old real fast at our 20th reunion a couple years ago.
  
• We will not be playing “Spin the Bottle.” If any of us tries to sit on the floor, we’re so old we’ll never be able to get up again.
  
• There will be some single people at the party. You might meet someone, you might not.
  
• You will be able to gorge yourself on much delicious food. There will be some adult beverages. There will be kid-friendly grub as well. Birthday cake as far as the eye can see. All guests will be fed and watered sufficiently.
  
• Gifts for me and April, as well as other guests turning 40 this year, are actually not necessary. The party hosts, however—April’s and my husbands—would like to encourage all guests to bring gifts for them and, in fact, have suggested that you must bring them gifts or you will not be fed or watered or entertained in the least. Ignore that advice at your own risk.

I hope that settles all the nudity mysteries for you weirdies. If you have any other questions, please let one of us know and we’ll do our best to provide you a satisfactory answer.

You people scare me a little.