Something stronger than Vicodin? Wow. I could totally make a whole new group of friends if I have access to drugs like that. I’m not suggesting that I need or want new friends, mind you, but I don’t know if anyone’s ever made friends with me because of something I could do for them. The idea is a bit mind-boggling. I mean, this could make me, like, a celebrity! But-cept not one of those a-hole celebrities. I’d be a nice one. I’d even autograph your boobies if you asked politely.
The funny thing is, my doctors in the past have always been so careful about prescribing powerful medications—high risk of addiction, y’know. I’ve had Vicodin only after surgeries and once for back pain. And when I’ve been on those drugs, I can easily see how people decide they can’t live without them. But now, after a cancer diagnosis, it seems the doctors are giving me just about anything, whether I ask for it or not. I’m not complaining, of course, and I’m not taking it if I don’t absolutely need it. It’s just an odd thing compared to, say, two weeks ago when nothing prescribed to me even touched my back pain and I wanted to stab people and the doctors still didn’t care. Now it’s as though they’re saying, “Look, you’ve got enough other junk on your plate. Take these many handfuls of highly addictive painkillers and oh, by the way, pretty please try not to stab people.”
Or… or you know what it could be? Maybe it’s that I’ve finally found a doctor who’s taking me seriously... who believes me when I say I hurt a LOT… who thinks that yes, I might actually stab someone if pushed far enough... and understands that the risk of depending on narcotics far outweighs the relief they bring for the short term.
I’m not suggesting for a second that cancer is a cool thing. The past week sucked in ways I never imagined it could. But the fact that someone is taking steps on my behalf to get me healed? That is all kinds of awesome.
I've been thinking about you a lot Jen. Hope you feel the good vibes I'm sending your way (finally a chance to use my powers for good instead of evil).
ReplyDeleteIt makes perfect sense to me - yes it must suck to have cancer. But at least people are taking your pain seriously now and trying to help! Congrats on the awesome drugs!
ReplyDeleteyou're not suppose to develop a "tolerance" to pain medication, so that if you get cancer it will work for you. But I've seen the same thing. Once you get cancer, they are soooo liberal with them.
ReplyDelete'bout fuckin' time.
ReplyDeleteEvery time you go in, they'll ask you about your pain, and have you rate it. With chronic pain, it can be really hard to gauge. My husband complained that I always underestimated my pain for the onco docs. I mean, you are on enough stuff already, and adding pain meds complicates things. I guess the best thing to do is to try and be honest with them, and try taking the ones that won't interfere with your treatment. (Did I actually post an almost helpful note? I didn't even mention Star Trek once.) ShevyX.
ReplyDeleteThis might be some airy fairy bit of philosophy, but being positive helps healing and it is pretty hard to stay positive if you hurt like hell... they want you to be comfortable so you can use all your powers for getting well and vamoosing that nasty toomah. They told my hubby when he had back surgery that using pain meds for pain won't cause dependence. It is harder to reduce pain when you let it get out of control. You should be vibrating from all the good vibes focused your way Jen. Keep your chin up, hon.
ReplyDeleteGlad you found somebody that is helping you. Being in pain sucks. Being in pain and nobody believes you? Sucks even more. I hope the meds help.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dana. If you don't adequately treat the pain, then you can't fight to get well.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dana. If you don't adequately treat the pain, then you can't fight to get well.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you a lot Jen. Hope you feel the good vibes I'm sending your way (finally a chance to use my powers for good instead of evil).
ReplyDelete