Dec. 3: I gots me some funny friends

I’ve been meaning to share some of the messages and texts I’ve been receiving that make me LOL. The good thing about continuing to forget to do that is that there are even more now. Lucky you. Lucky all of us.

Ed suggested a whole list of things I could call him to do:

• errands
• grocery shopping
• an evening out
• pet duties
• yardwork
• facepainting

Facepainting? That might be my favoritest offer yet!

Loveliest Lori and I can say a word or two sometimes, and both know exactly which Seinfeld episode it comes from and the scene around which it revolves. Here was our text message exchange on my way to the oncologist earlier this week:

LL: Oncologists are real “doctors,” right? Not like dermatologists and podiatrists.

me: I guess I’m about to find out, huh? Tumor Popper, MD

…

me: If I walk in and they’ve assigned me to Dr. Von Nostrand, I’m going to be very upset.

LL: Just don’t let Vic near you with a Sharpie! You’ll be fine… unless you see a meat slicer in the corner smelling of benzene.

Emails between me and Random Sunshine™ Tuesday morning:

me: Your message made me cry happy tears (I just got done crying sad tears after I realized today is a good hair day and one of the last for a couple years).

RS™: I didn’t mean to make you cry, but seriously girl, you’ve got loads of people that just love you to pieces. :)  As far as the bad hair days... would it make you feel better if I made an effort to have bad hair days of my own? This is COMPLETELY achievable. You should see me right now. I can do something special for you every day. Let’s see... there's:

• The Toothpaste Chunk in the Hair
• The Just Had Sex Do
• The Let the Gray Hairs Show
• The Frizz
• The Bun That Makes Your Ears Stick Way Out
• The Dull
• The Flat
• Hat Head
• Baby Throwup
• The You Drooled in Your Sleep And Now You Have Crunchy Strands
• and Many, Many More.

I can do this. I can rock this for you.

And Kim F’n, who has gone through this chemo thing with loved ones more than anyone should have to:

KF’n: How long will it take, do they think?

me: Probably 2 hours or so.

KF’n: Copy. Good times! Want me to bring rum?

me: SOMEONE’S got to!

KF’n: If I was there, I totally would! … I’m definitely partying up with you at some point. I’m good entertainment at chemo. I dance. If there’s a pole nearby, watch out.

me: That is scary and enticing all at once!

KF’n: Problem is they are usually more of a square post and it really screws up my inner things. But for you, anything.

me: You give, and you give, and you give. Always sacrificing!

KF’n: Not for just anyone. Inner thigh injuries for just a select few.

…

KF’n: Can’t wait to see you and give you a hug! I’m getting over a little cold, so no kissing. Or licking my hands, like usual. Deal?

While discussing wig possibilities, Ed emailed me this uplifting sentiment:

Look at these famous wig-wearers! You have much in common with them all, so I know you will fit right in if you choose to.

William Shatner
Dolly Parton
Phil Spector
Little Richard
Elton John
Marie Antoinette

When I asked my FB friends about how soon is too soon to request a medicinal marijuana prescription, there was this exchange with Sherilee:

SC: I’m thinking a monogrammed bong for Christmas?

me: Totally! And a knitted bong cozy!

SC: And a weed-of-the-month club subscription too! You need to get a wish list going…

In the early 90’s, Chris Dunlop was a coworker with whom I shared a talent for writing delightfully entertaining limericks insulting each others’ fashion sense and biological clocks. While I hung up my limerick writing hat long ago—having matured out of it!—it appears Chris is still going as strong as ever. Probably still wearing those ridiculously unmatching tube socks too:

Jen knew what was amiss
It hurt when she had to piss
It wasn't a rumor
She had a big tumor
Soon she would be bald like Chris

Fancy Lori™ sent me these links to stylin’ hat options. These are to die for! Well, not literally, I guess:

Elvis

Princess Leia

Rastafarian

With friends like these, how could I NOT want to live?