OK, so my mom’s coming this weekend, and she’s staying for kind of a long time. Yesterday she asked if I’m alright with it, and I told her that as long as she behaves, she can stay forever. And then she laughed, as though I was kidding. She’s a funny woman, thinking I joke about everything.
(I joke not.)
Mom is coming to help me out with the kids before and after my chemo treatment on Dec. 22, as well as help us prepare for Christmas. I appreciate this in ways I can almost not express—seriously, I feel like this is a huge sacrifice on her part, and am so glad she’s willing to be here to share this challenging time in our family. I know the repercussions of staying away from her own mother are going to be great—I mean, the abuse Grandma will think she has the right to heap on Mom!
It wouldn’t be nice of me to have, say, a list of rules posted throughout the house while she’s here. Necessary, sure. But nice? Not really. So I call upon you, my vast audience of four, to help me come up with guidelines for BOTH of us to follow during Mom’s visit. Have you ever shared a visit with your mom for an extended period of time? If so, you probably have suggestions for making sure we don’t kill each other before Mom’s due to go home. Please share any and all advice in a comment below, I beg of you.
We will not post these rules, but we will commit them to memorization (right, Mom?). For example, here’s a rule for Mother Mary:
- Mom must remember that Jen is not a morning person and takes a while to become chatty every day. Mom needs to not make Jen feel bad when Jen snaps at her to shut the hell up before 9 a.m. (Jen would only do that if absolutely necessary, of course, because Jen is the good daughter her mother raised her to be. [cough cough])
Let’s make that rules 1-10, mmkay?
And here’s a rule for Jen:
- Jen needs to return phone calls when she says she will or Mom will worry and worry and turn into her own mother, and that’s not good for anyone.
And, to encourage you to help me with these commandments: if I can’t come up with a satisfactory list, I will resort to outfitting Mom with a shock collar. It’s on you, folks. So if you care at all about Mother Mary…
PLEASE, PLEASE, respond friends of Jen and Mother Mary--shock collars do not come in decorator designs and I'm not into stainless steel!! So far, the first two rules are good. I'll remember mine; will you remember yours, Jen??? I love you!! AND all who respond!
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to post a crudely drawn arrow pointing up, behind all Manullang toilets, in case Mom gets so traumatized by Jen's iron fist she forgets which direction to wipe herself safely.
ReplyDeleteNotice how only family has weighed in on this. Everyone knows to "tread lightly" on the mother/daughter dynamic.
ReplyDeleteTo Mom: Never start a sentence with "If I were you.." or "I used to..." Definite ticking time bomb.
To Jen: Keep the eye rolling to a minimum.
'Nuff said.
xoxo
Then your comments don't really count--as good as they are--because you're family, aren't you? At least that was the last word.... :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lori's assessment. You'll have so much quality time together while the kids are in school next week :) Is Victor ready to play referee - bet he looks hot in black/white stripes. Game on :)
ReplyDeleteTime out is good....not like "you need a time out" of course, but the quiet self imposed "I'm going to go read my book" for awhile. "Read my book" is the acceptable euphemism for a range of reasons to be anti social in our house, from napping to "I can't stand another moment of HGTV, football, that music you are listening to," or even "I don't want to talk about that right now." Sometimes we "read" a lot of books and sometimes we even read them.
ReplyDeleteJen if you start feeling like an angsty teenager I recommend sneaking out of the house with Victor for a hot date. If you are ACTING like an angsty teenager, your mom will probably welcome the alone time with her grandchildren. :)
ReplyDelete