May 7: I think that I shall never see...

Here are just a few of the things I hope are never written before my name, before or after I die:

• murderer (alleged, convicted, suspected, fugitive, or otherwise)
  
• Pontiac Aztec-owner
  
• swinger
  
• Doodlebop
  
• terrorist
  
• Southern Baptist
  
• Poodle Club of America member
  
• odoriferous
  
• model prisoner
  
• habitually post-operative transsexual
  
• racist
  
• celebutante
  
• Republican
  
• leper
  
• defendant
  
• accidental porn star
  
• Fatty Fatty Boombalatty
  

And things I'd love to see before my name someday:

• gazillionaire philanthropist
  
• supermodel
  
• Saint (or Messiah... that'd be OK too)
  
• ancient and revered Jedi Master
  
• bobble-head doll
  
• heiress
  
• Mother (or Sister, Wife, Daughter, Friend, Neighbor, etc.) of the Year
  
• henchwoman
  
• largest jackpot winner in lottery history
  
• heroine
  
• cartoon character
  
• best-selling author
  
• mega-rock stars Sean & Steve Voss' aunt
  
• Olympic gold medal winner in napping
  
• Texas Hold 'Em champ
  
• world traveler
  
• TIME traveler!

What about you?