Mar. 10: 85 years ≠ mature

A sentence I never thought I'd find the need to say:
Nana's a bitch.

Oh, yes, it's true. The Nana Saga™ continues. My grandma replied to my letter, which she wrote on the back of mine because God forbid she let me think I'm worth a clean sheet of paper:

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Jen - it wasn't that I was tired of paying a cell phone bill - that had nothing to do with it.

It is that I am very hurt - when you and Vic are here - you both have nothing to do with me - Especially you - Jen. It really hurts me - because I feel like I have been a very good Grandma. When you kids come here to your moms for a visit - you and Vic completely ignore me. It is as though you want nothing to do with me. It really hurts deeply [underlined three times]. So therefore I wanted to hurt you. You know - "pay back time." If you still want nothing to do with me let your mother know, then I will not come around. But to completely ignore me, I don't understand what is going on and why?? Especially when I don't know what I have done to - that makes you ignore me!!

Here is your check - and I will continue to send it until Jan. of 09.

Love Grandma

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WTF? Isn't someone that's lived 85 years supposed to be more grown-up than this? How is not paying a bill going to hurt me as much as I've supposedly hurt her? As for being a good grandma, I don't know... I'm not totally sure what being a good grandma entails but I'm pretty sure it doesn't involve calling your granddaughters bitches (separate but unforgettable moments from long ago).

Did I avoid her at Christmastime? I certainly wanted to. She was being so pissy to my mom when we got there that I really didn't want to have anything to do with her. But no, I never ignored her and, in fact, talked to her many times. And Vic! He's like her friggin' waiter when she's around (what's he trying to prove anyway???), so why is she lumping him into her whole "poor Grandma!" thing? But really, what makes this accusation so crazy is that every time we saw Grandma at Christmastime, there were 5-16 other people and/or needy dogs around. How are we supposed to constantly single her out in that kind of chaos? How are we supposed to know that she's unhappy about the amount of attention she's getting? If I had found her crying in a corner then YES, I would have gotten the hint. But the old bag was right in the middle of everything and appeared happy as an ass clown. Somehow she has re-created these events in her mind to make me Big Mean Jen.

This woman has decided she suddenly hates my mom's friend Donna—who's been like a daughter to her for a good 50 years—because Donna made a comment to one of Grandma's doctors that necessitated an extra medical test. Never mind that it was going to be done anyway; Grandma's convinced that Donna is pure evil and has not one nice thing to say about her anymore.

Grandma has always liked Kathy more than me, which has been totally obvious but does not matter to or hurt me a bit. But they haven't spoken in weeks. Grandma accused our mom of turning Kathy against her; I'm pretty sure she did that all on her own.

She's mad at one of Kathy's sons for not returning her calls. Never mind that she's never actually called him.

It's time for Grandma to die and she must know it. She's alienating everyone who ever cared about her. I betchoo my uncle Paul is the next one on her list. I mean, it makes sense: he's a perfectly nice person, he does her bidding, and he puts up with her. Yup. He's next.

What possible good will it do for me to respond to this latest accusation? No matter how I try to explain my bad granddaughter-ness, she'll believe what she wants. I think I'll just sit back and watch for my $13 checks every whenever-she-feels-like-sending-them.

Gah.