Mar. 20: Oot and aboot

Spring break has sprung, and in the next few days we’ll be taking off to the Great White North. I’m doing my usual exhaustive sightseeing research and generating quite a list of things we’ll be able to talk about doing while on that long, long drive. This will be my first time across our northern border; Katie’s and Jack’s too. They’re excited to see tons of snow and moose and Eskimos, even though I keep telling them it won’t be like that. They just look at me like, “How do you know? Have you been there? Huh, Mom???” Whatever.

They are also very excited to be allowed to drink Mountain Dew in Canada. In Canada, Mountain Dew is not caffeinated. That means in Canada, Mom and Dad can’t scream at Katie and Jack for sneaking sips of their nectar of the gods.

One of my friends at work goes to Canada a few times a year and always brings back delicious candy. I definitely have Coffee Crisp on my shopping list for next week. Tonight I was searching the Internet for other items not available in the U.S. and I found Wine Gums, which sound kinda Jujube-ish but also kinda tasty. I might have to try those out. A lot of other “Canadian” food items can be purchased at World Market in Clackamas, so I wasn’t terribly impressed with all I found online.

Until this category caught my eye: rectal beauty cream. Well, it is about friggin’ time! I’ve been looking for this everywhere. Smashbox doesn’t make everything, y’know.

Click with me, won’t you?

Hm. It turns out “rectal beauty cream” is just a different formula of Preparation H. Apparently the U.S. version does not have a yeast derivative that removes wrinkles and eye puffiness. I think it would be more accurate for those crazy Canadians to call it “rectal SLASH beauty cream” or “rectal AND beauty cream” or maybe leave “rectal” out of it altogether. My question is this: if I buy a few boxes of Preparation H in Canada, will it be obvious that I’m an American stocking up for wrinkle prevention? Or will they think I’m an American planning to ride my bicycle all the way home?

We’ll spend most the week in Victoria and Vancouver. Any other shopping suggestions are welcome, as well as advice about Canada in general.