Dec. 8: Bah, bug and hum

I spent the entire weekend burning CDs, applying labels, writing and printing and stuffing, oh my. The cards are in the mailbox and I should just shut up now and get to the next thing on my Christmastime to-do list. But no, I need to bitch a little more.

Because why do I let Christmas cards stress me out like this every year? Getting our cards in the mail is always such an ordeal for us, and I keep hoping next year will not be as bad. It always is. I even wrote a small database to help ease the load a little; it collects addresses and creates fancy reports that help me manage the address list when I’ve tackled it in small batches, which I usually do. I keep track of who we receive cards from and every year I analyze the who-we-sent-to-but-did-not-receive-from report to decide if we should keep certain people on our list. It could not be more efficient. And still, I grow to despise the process before it’s done.

Not sending cards is not an option. It’s not that I’m so sure people are dying to hear from us—I’m pretty sure they’re not, in fact—but for me, it’s part of the holiday season. And leading up to the addressing, stuffing, sending, it’s a fun part of the holiday season. Also, I’d be heartbroken to receive fewer Christmas cards, so I don’t dare jeopardize my place on friends’ and family’s lists.

When we started adding our Christmas music mix CDs to about half the envelopes a few years ago it increased the effort required of the project even more. I gather music throughout the year, so deciding on the playlist is not the stressful part; burning and labeling the CDs has become the busy work that gets old fast. And one year when we sent out CDs that were broken in transit, I decided we should use lightweight cardboard CD sleeves to protect them better. This meant the sleeves needed labels too, which meant more work. (Stoopid reindeer need to learn to tread more softly on the mailbags, wouldn’t you agree?)

Oh, and then there’s the Christmas letter. I like to receive letters with photos, lots of family news, all that good stuff that helps me re-connect with family and friends. The Christmas letter we send out every year contains none of those things. Our Christmas letter is mostly fabricated. In fact, I don’t even post it to my blog lest someone believe any of it is true. Oh sure, it’s all based in some level of truth—but then that part of my brain that isn’t hooked up quite right takes over. The only section of the letter that is 100 percent true is the part people never believe (the “things we actually said” list). Trust me; it’s a lot of work to write a whole letter that contains absolutely no information whatsoever.

This year I did something I’ve never done before: I printed labels instead of hand-addressing the envelopes. Please don’t put me on the naughty list, Santa. It’s crazy that I worry people will think me impersonal for not hand-addressing, I know. I’m kind of old-fashioned/traditional when it comes to this sort of thing, I guess, which is why I haven’t done it before now.

See? I bring it all upon myself. I suppose none of you even care that the return address labels match the images on the letter which are also on the CDs and CD envelopes. And some of you may chuck the CD without a glance. Or throw out the whole card without even opening it. (I hate you, by the way.) I take full responsibility for our Christmas cards becoming a much bigger monster than Santa ever intended they should, but I will continue to complain about myself.

“It’s just how I do.”