May 28: IDCEAYWTPFriday

It’s Friday, and that means you get a post called I Don’t Care Enough About You to Write in Transitioning Paragraphs Friday.

• I got a Yankee Candle air freshener thingie that plugs into the wall and is supposed to fill the house with a light, fresh scent. So why does the air taste like soap whenever I breathe? Ick. Good thing it works (the house now smells like a Yankee Candle store), because I’m gonna hurl from the stench any minute now.
• Victor got an iPhone! Victor got an iPhone! I keep telling him that soon he’ll love it as much as he loves me. He’s doubtful. He lies so big.
• I’ve been helping him get the new phone set up. See, he actually got my old phone—a 3G—and I got a 3Gs because I have cancer. That means I get good stuff sometimes, like bigger and better phones and balloons sometimes and gummy bears if he remembers and the less rancid steak and occasionally the last of the creamer and wow, I’m full of it, huh? A lot of our time yesterday was spent deleting things that were on my phone and replacing them with things he wanted, like cool ringtones and apps and photos and music, oh my. But something really funny happened while we were doing that, and it was funny enough that it deserves its very own bullet. So here it is:
• Vic was looking through the photos and goes, “Um, I don’t think I need this picture of Sunshine, and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want me to have it.” I looked up, expecting it to be this one and wondering why that was such a bad thing for him to have:
  
  
  
  …but instead it was this one, which Sunshine emailed me when she FB’d that there was Kleenex hanging out of her nose and she wanted to prove to me she wasn’t lying:
  
   
  
  (Okay, I’m not posting the real picture because Sunshine would kill me. But I bet I had her worried for a sec. Heh heh heh… that was fun.)
• Victor also has pics of Cassie’s tramp stamp, my eye all swollen and stitched up, and his belly button, which looks like a butt. I am not kidding. I’m thinking maybe I kinda take pictures of weird things with my camera phone.
• Speaking of Cassie, her kids spent the night at our house last night. There’s no school today, and Cassie went to the Cirque du So Much Poopay show last night. To thank us, when she dropped off the kids she handed over a giant bottle of Midori. This makes Cassie our very favorite person in the whole wide world right now. And yes, the four kids together made tremendous amounts of noise, but they were actually pretty good so we’re not complaining. Plus we’re both still totally drunk from all that Midori.
• My date for chemo on June 8 will be Erin, who used to be my niece and is now my awesome friend. Kim F’n—the most experienced chemo companion EVER—is going to be my date on the 29th. It’s looking like I’m dateless for July 20. Let me know if you want to come hang out with me. We can piss off all the cranky old people; it’s so much fun! August 10 is tentatively April’s. See how you guys make these chemo sessions fly right by? I love you.
• Katie’s been wanting a Zhu Zhu Hamster, and the other night we stopped by Toys R Us to get one. They didn’t have the one she wanted, though, so she left empty-handed and sad. I promised I’d check the Internet when we got home, and I found out that Yo-Yo, the hamster she simply must have, is brand new and not even in stock in most stores. I got all sweaty going through every one of those racks of hamster boxes for NOTHING??? Blarg. But all may not be lost; I saw that Webkinz is coming out with Mazin’ Hamsters and they’re way cuter. Here’s my proof:
  

  Zhu Zhu Yo-Yo—Whatevs.	Way cute Webkinz Mazin’ Hamsters

  
  OK, so the white hamster looks like a cat, and the whole bottom row is wack. But the first two are super adorable. Momma’s pushin’ THAT direction. If your kids are dorks or you’re a dork, here’s a page that compares the Zhu Zhu pets to Mazin’ Hamsters. I point and laugh at you now.
• I can’t remember exactly how old I was or why I got second holes pierced in my ears, but the novelty wore off quickly. Two’s hard enough; four was too much work. I’m really lazy with earrings for everyday wear—I tend to stick to styles I can wear constantly; they aren’t dangly or annoying or fall out easily. But since I lost all my hair, I started wearing earrings regularly—usually just studs, since hoops with my scarves make me look like a fortune teller. Last week I tried putting earrings in my second holes, and was surprised to find they still went in just fine, even after 20 years of not being used. But within a couple days I was all, WHY DID I DO THIS? I’ve already lost three earring backs and woke up with one earring jabbing my neck. Being pretty is hard.
• Cristina, if you’re reading this, don’t let Phoebe see! Katie’s going to her friend Phoebe’s cupcake-themed birthday party next weekend, and we found this adorable gift on the always-delightful etsy:
  
  Click the photo to go to the seller’s store and see the other things she makes. The necklaces we ordered—one “Phoebe” and one “Katie”—arrived yesterday and they’re absolutely, adorably perfect!

Have a fabulous weekend, all o’ youz. Smell ya later—