stuff jen says: Sep. 17: Cookie whore

Yes, it’s true: I can be bought.

Loveliest Lori has been promising that I would no longer want or need to call her Grouchiest Lori after I received my birthday gift from her. Not that I was ever doubtful or considered trademarking this new name, but she was indeed correct! Just minutes ago my doorbell rang and I was presented with a delightful cookie bouquet.

cookiebouquet

I opened the cellophane wrap and the kitchen instantly filled with the delicious aroma of fresh sugar cookies and frosting. And there’s Mickey! And Minnie! They’re each bigger than my hand and look too pretty to eat but I’m totally gonna anyway. And don’t give me that stuff about waiting until my birthday… turns out I need to get halfway across the country for my parade tomorrow so I have to get my suitcase packed. What does one wear to a ticker tape parade? And does it make any difference that the ticker tape parade is in Booger Hollow, Kansas? With bunks and outhouses and Pappy and Mammy Booger, oh my?

Thank you, Loveliest Lori, for being the loveliest gift-giver EVER. Or as she said when I texted her, “Take that, Kim F’n.”

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facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

5 comments:

Mother MarySeptember 17, 2009 at 1:50:00 PM PDT
How absolutely adorable -- and I think I'm smelling the adorable cookies nearly 300 miles away!! Lori -- you're a sweetheart!! And to my favorite youngest daughter!!
ch-kSeptember 17, 2009 at 1:54:00 PM PDT
It's Booger Hollow, ARKANSAS!!
L. LoriSeptember 17, 2009 at 2:31:00 PM PDT
You know what's funny about having the event in Arkansas is that my mom is actually there right now! She's on a motorhome trip and her friend Lloyd's family is there. Hicksville. ;)

And Mother Mary hasn't said it...but I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite MIDDLE child.

xoxo
AnonymousSeptember 18, 2009 at 6:38:00 AM PDT
We got a fruit bouquet when the baby was born and were so thrilled - but a cookie bouquet? That's just magic.
Mother MaryJune 27, 2011 at 12:18:00 PM PDT
How absolutely adorable -- and I think I'm smelling the adorable cookies nearly 300 miles away!! Lori -- you're a sweetheart!! And to my favorite youngest daughter!!

Hey, please don’t leave an anonymous comment.
Select “Name/URL” below and you can use whatever name you want. No registration required.
Thanks! –Jen

Sep. 17: Cookie whore

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