Sep. 28: The funny is oh-so-good

(not Mother Mary) I drove I-205 between Sunnyside Road and Washington Street at least four times today, possibly more. So why can’t I remember? These are just a few of the things that happened to me today:

  • I hurried out of the house this morning and found a truck and trailer blocking our driveway and a weird piece of machinery set up next to my car. I blame the guys who are tearing up all the yards in the neighborhood right now.
  • I got to the school just in time to train volunteers about our school safety procedures but-cept no volunteers showed up. Oh well. They’ll be calling me in a panic after they’ve committed to chaperoning a field trip in a couple weeks, and I’ll tell them I was there and they weren’t, and maybe, if I can find some time, I’ll run another training session, but only if I can find some time. Or maybe I’ll not be a bitch and train them whenever they need to be trained.
  • That “poem” I wrote about second graders? I forwarded it to Jack’s teacher. Just as I clicked “send” I remembered that I called one of Jack’s classmates an a-hole. Sharing this “poem” with Jack’s teacher was probably not my wisest decision ever.
  • I saw a dude walking on Sunnyside with a long, white fluffy tail. Sunshine said she’s seen him before too. So many questions. I know not where to begin.
  • I went to work and the office door was locked. It was kinda like a sign that maybe I was not meant to do any work today. Victor thinks I only believe in God when it’s convenient for me. I say he should probably keep those thoughts to himself, because God is vengeful and She’ll be coming after him if he’s wrong.
  • My mom got lost in the parking lot in which I said I’d meet her, and I swear she climbed a cyclone fence and then told me she totally didn’t. I don’t believe her but she treated me to lunch so I think I’ll forgive the transgression. But it kinda took me by surprise; when was the last time your mom climbed a fence and then lied about it? (Kath, I gotcher answer right here.)

Can you see why I’m a little bit scattered today?

OK, so the driving back and forth, back and forth. The nice thing about being on the road a lot, especially without the kids, is that I take the opportunity to listen to David Sedaris on tape (mp3, CD, whatev). And one particular piece, Solution to Saturday’s Puzzle, in which he reads to an audience about sitting next to a woman on a plane who immediately hates his guts, made me LOL. In fact, it almost made me ROFLMAO but I was driving so the ROF part would be a bit of an exaggeration. Stuff that makes me LOL and/or ROFLMAO is stuff that, of course, I need to share with you. This whole thing is about 20 minutes long; you can listen to it by clicking the PLAY button below, or you can download and listen to it when you have time—but I do suggest you make time, because it’s so awesome. And for you folks with little ears nearby, get your headphones.


Right-click to download ‘Solution to Saturday’s Puzzle’


You’ll be glad you did.


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