Apr. 25: He Talk Pretty One Day

Last night my mom and I went to hear David Sedaris at the Hult Center in Eugene. It was outstanding.

When we walked into the lobby, I looked to one side and saw he was at a table signing books. I had assumed he wouldn’t be doing any signing at this show—it was a ticketed event, set up much more like a concert than any previous author reading I’ve attended—so I was instantly irritated at myself for not bringing my pile of his books, or at least the most recent one. Upon seeing the line that had formed, though, I think I might not have wanted to stand in it as long as I would have had to. It was one of those European lines, where people just jump in wherever and even though the line keeps getting longer, I’m always at the end of it.

Instead, I stepped closer to the table and pulled out my phone to take a picture of him. The first one was a little blurry…

… so I stepped forward and took another.

Dang! Even blurrier! I was about to take another when a guy standing behind Mr. Sweatered Dude leaned over and said to me, “The sign says ‘no photos allowed.’” See that thing on the table? That’s the sign. It was right in front of me and I didn’t see it. I’m a total rule-follower when it comes to that kind of thing, so I felt like I should apologize to Mr. Sedaris, but then I thought it was too late and he probably already hated me anyway. I think he’s written stuff about how he doesn’t understand why people ignore signs that are big and impossible to miss and how those people should die.

Instead, Mom and I went in and sat down.

The show began with a representative of Wells Fargo coming out and blathering on about how they were a sponsor of the event and they got their start stage-coaching and our money’s safe with them and who knows what else because the guy seemed to have no idea what he was supposed to say even though he had notes. And then he welcomed everyone to the Peter Sedaris show.

I guess people were paying attention to the Wells Fargo guy after all, because they actually booed. I felt sorry for him because he was very obviously nervous and having a rough time EVEN THOUGH HE HAD NOTES. But Mr. Wells Fargo Representative, if there was ever a time to peek at those notes, that time is WHEN YOU ARE INTRODUCING THE AUTHOR. Gah!

When David Sedaris came out, he stepped up to the microphone and said cheerily, “Thank you, Dick!” Awesome.

He started out by reading a new piece he’d written about the U.S. presidential election and witnessing much of it from France, where he lives most of the year. Lots of jabs at Bush made it particularly funny—it wasn’t that it was so pro-Obama, but it was enough anti-Bush to satisfy the crowd.

He read another new piece that reminded me a lot of his Christmas letter in Holidays on Ice; this one was an e-mail thank-you for a coupon for two free pizzas that was given as a wedding gift. Like the Christmas letter, it was horrifying and hilarious all in one.

At this point he stopped reading and talked a bit about his 35-city book tour. He said that before he started the tour, he wrote eight new stories for it. I thought, WOW—what a bonus for his audiences, to hear new material that has not yet been published! He told some amusing anecdotes about some of the cities he’d been to so far, and mentioned seeing an emu that had been hit on the freeway between Portland and Eugene earlier that afternoon. I guess he and I had been traveling about the same time because I went by that scene too; there was a police car, three vehicles, a large feathery animal (I thought ostrich, he thought emu), and tons of feathers in the grassy median. One of the vehicles had obviously hit the beast, but the others looked undamaged. And as I had wondered when I drove past, David Sedaris wondered where on earth an emu would have come from to end up dead on the freeway. Of course, he told the story in a way that got applause and big laughs. I cannot.

Speaking of weird animals, the next piece he read was one he just sold to The New Yorker, about a kookaburra he “met” in Australia (sort of). It was very funny, of course, but also quite touching—watch for it to be published soon. He also read several journal entries from the past 15 or so years, “journal entries” being more like “hopefully fake stories for the sake of those in them.”

David Sedaris writes (and reads) with the kind of humor that makes you laugh until you cry or pee your pants or possibly both. He was totally worth the effort to drive two hours south, even though that drive included seeing a dead bird-like creature on the side of the road and its aftermath, which was almost comical in that it looked like an exploded down comforter.

It was one of my favorites of the cultural events I had scheduled in April. And I got to see my mom too! Everyone wins! Well, but-cept for the ostrich/emu thing.

What should be on your reading list:

Holidays on Ice (1997)

Naked (1998)

Me Talk Pretty One Day (2000)

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (2004)

When You Are Engulfed in Flames (2008)