stuff jen says: Feb. 5: Squooosh

Where's my balloon? Where's my party?

I had my first mammogram today. Yes, I should have done it four years ago. Yes, my doctor chastises me every time I see her for not going before now. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but I wasn't absolutely dreading it either. I was pretty sure the worst of the horror stories were exaggerations, so it was just a matter of scheduling the appointment. Perhaps best of all, my doctor isn't going to yell at me anymore (I'm a leetle bit a-scared of her).

The procedure was completely painless. There was a small amount of what I can't even call discomfort; it was more like awkwardness, mostly from trying to stand still. I've worn bras that were more painful than that whole thing.

Also, it really seemed like the tech should have bought me dinner after all that fondling. But no, she was just off on her merry way, to her next patient. Hmph. Anyway, I'm glad to have that first mammogram over, and now I know not to dread all the future ones. I still think I deserve a party though.

facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

4 comments:

AnonymousFebruary 5, 2008 at 6:47:00 PM PST
OK, I don't know WHO did your test, but they probly weren't certified. Cuz mine had cold hands, and it hurt like hell getting squished into a pancake. Maybe it's cuz my jugs are way bigger (fat counts!)
JenFebruary 6, 2008 at 12:08:00 AM PST
I don't think it's that your jugs are so much bigger, Kath. They're just so much older, as is the rest of you compared to me, that the tech figgered you have no feeling left in them anyway. Squish away!
AnonymousFebruary 6, 2008 at 10:14:00 AM PST
Here's a neat trick. I had my first when I was about 8 weeks pregnant with Theo (it was to check on something and they covered me well with the metal cape thingy - I think he's fine). Anyway, it hurt like hell with those pregnant boobs so ever since then it's been a relative breeze. And...without comparing...it is more uncomfortable the more "full" you are. :)
LoriJune 27, 2011 at 12:20:00 PM PDT
Here's a neat trick. I had my first when I was about 8 weeks pregnant with Theo (it was to check on something and they covered me well with the metal cape thingy - I think he's fine). Anyway, it hurt like hell with those pregnant boobs so ever since then it's been a relative breeze. And...without comparing...it is more uncomfortable the more "full" you are. :)

Hey, please don’t leave an anonymous comment.
Select “Name/URL” below and you can use whatever name you want. No registration required.
Thanks! –Jen

Feb. 5: Squooosh

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