Feb. 22: This is 200 calories

Here's a site with pictures of 200 calories' worth of individual foods. Of course, there's a lot of celery, apples, etc. Peanut butter? Not so much. It looks like about a spoonful of peanut butter comes to 200 calories. That makes me cry a little.

Some questions:

• "Blackberry pie," about 2/3 of the way down the page, is obviously a Hostess fruit pie. Do Hostess fruit pies really qualify as pie? Aren't they just sugar cookies stuffed with fruit-flavored goo? I mean, if we're going to call Hostess pies "pie," then we can call Velveeta "cheese," right?
  
• The Bailey's Irish Cream. That isn't enough to get my buzz on! How can I be expected to stick to my diet if I'm not drunk?
  
• Yeah, like I'm gonna snack on two red onions. (I know that's not a question. I don't care.)
  
• Mmmmmm... fried bacon... it's actually not such a sad amount. I'm OK with it. (That is also not a question.)
  
• The pic of butter, another one of my favorite foods (I put it in my coffee), looks funny, doesn't it? That's, like, one of those whole-pound cubes and someone resized the image, thereby distorting it. I'm pretty sure.

This site is soooo not what I'll be referring to as I make our weekend meals plan.

I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons, in which Homer intentionally gains weight so he can go on disability:

Dr. Nick: "Hi, everybody!"
Homer and Bart: "Hi, Dr. Nick!"
Dr. Nick: "Now, there are many options available for dangerously underweighted individuals like yourself. I recommend a slow steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology."
Homer: "Of course."
Dr. Nick: "You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group and the chocotastic!"
Homer: "What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor?"
Dr. Nick: "Well... be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop-tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon ..."
Bart: "You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!"
Dr. Nick: "Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain! Bye-bye, everybody!"