Feb. 29: Someone else's peeves

I think I've recommended McSweeneys before but I'm too lazy to check. I was just browsing through the past month's articles and found this one particularly hilarious. You have got to check out this site, but only when you have a few hours to kill because you will totally get lost in there.

MY PET PEEVES
by Dan Liebert

• Total strangers telling me what to do, especially square-dance callers.
  
• When my opera cape gets caught on homeless people's junk.
  
• Waiters who recite the specials in a bored singsong voice as if they don't really care what I eat.
  
• Bad art in motel rooms, especially bad performance art.
  
• When a woman stands near me and people think her ugly baby is mine and it is.
  
• Big, conceited bodies of water, especially Lake Superior.
  
• The depressing attractions at the Svenskfilmindustrie theme park, near Stockholm. (Actually, I may have dreamt this.)
  
• When a can of cheap peas says "Pea Color and Size May Vary" and inside there's just one giant blue pea.
  
• A "nature burger" with fake grill marks painted on it.
  
• Barbecue restaurants with happy pigs on the sign.
  
• Those foreign guys on the subway who pretend to read newspapers written in gibberish.
  
• People on fire—they're always asking for favors, even if they hardly know you.
  
• The way road signs talk to you in that stern, fatherly voice.
  
• I never seem to meet those cheerful, uncomplicated women you see on tractor-trailer mud flaps.
  
• When a lecturer takes a drink of water and doesn't offer us any.
  
• I've been all over the world and have lived among every kind of culture and I can say, without any hesitation, that the most ignorant, rude, selfish, and self-centered people on earth are babies.

People that make me laugh rock.