Feb. 10: ‘Twas many years ago…

There’s a list on the back of the kids’ Reese’s Puffs cereal box of 18 things to do before you’re 18. I’m trying to remember back 22+ years (gah!) to see how well I did. Let’s see, pre-1986…

1. Ride the world's biggest rollercoaster
   No. My fear of roller coasters didn’t disappear until I was in my 20’s.
   
2. Bungee jump
   Nope. Still haven’t. Never will.
   
3. Score the winning goal/basket
   Ha! I’ve made two touchdowns in my whole life: one for my team, one for the other. I lose friends when I play sports. I do not get carried on teammates’ shoulders unless they’re hoisting me to throw me to the ground.
   
4. Win an award, trophy or prize
   In third grade I won the Read-a-thon at my school. The principal called my mom to ask if I really read that many books because it was kinda unbelievable. My prize was a $10 Texas Instruments calculator and I was super proud of it.
   
5. Learn to play an instrument
   Piano, flute, piccolo. Check.
   
6. Go backstage at a gig
   A big, huge concert? No. A “gig”? Sure, if you count Uncle Paul (and I totally do).
   
7. Meet your idol
   I sat on Cliff Robertson’s lap when he filmed a movie in southern Oregon. I was two years old. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t my idol back then.
   
8. Play a part in your favorite TV show
   In my mirror? Yes.
   
9. Meet someone else with your name
   Easy-peasy.
   
10. Make a discovery
    No. I keep hoping to get one of my weird ailments named after me, but Vic always reminds me, “Jen, ask Lou Gehrig how cool it is to have a disease named after you.”
    
11. Get away with the perfect practical joke
    I thinking taping Dad in his room was some of my best work.
    
12. Own a pointless collection
    Um, have you seen my garage? Oh, but if we’re talking pre-1986, that would have to be my bottlecap collection. Most of them were Hamm’s bottlecaps scavenged after Saltmarsh family gatherings, I do believe.
    
13. Invent a word that makes it into the dictionary
    Nope. But if anyone can do it, it’s Ed. Two of his best: Spam + chili = “Spili.” Spam + stew = “Spew.”
    
14. Conquer your biggest fear
    I had a horrific fear of fire when I was young, until I discovered the awesome power and fun of the flint striker in chemistry class. As evidenced by my lab partners’ burn scars, I think I might have conquered that fear.
    
15. Raise money for charity
    Several times, sometimes begrudgingly (stupid UNICEF Halloween box).
    
16. Pass your driving test the first time
    I did pass my driving test the first time, but not before I turned 18.
    
17. Complete a road trip coast to coast
    Like bungee jumping, nope. Still haven’t. Never will. Long distance driving blows.
    
18. Reach 18 years of age
    I did this, and I did it well. Yay me.

I’ve added some bonus items so I don’t feel like such a loser, not that I’m necessarily proud of these things…

• Get drunk
  Thank you, sister who’s four years older than me.
  
• Take alcohol to an SDA school and keep it in your locker without getting caught
  Blame extremely poor judgment and unbelievably good fortune.
  
• Begin a lifetime habit of injuring yourself
  It all started with that icy sidewalk in front of Safeway… and having Curt Saltmarsh genes.
  
• Perform vocal solos at churches all over Oregon
  Thank you, courage I can’t believe I ever summoned and Amy Grant, whose songs I probably butchered every time.
  
• Let your dad make every diorama and model you’re assigned in high school because you’re doing it all wrong so just go away, dammit, and he’ll finish it himself
  Uh… check. [sigh.]
  
• Get your first French kiss from some guy you don’t even know
  Yup. Weird. I saw him on Facebook recently. Weirder.
  
• Go through high school without studying and get into college anyway
  Helpful when you apply to an SDA university that accepts pretty much anyone who went to an SDA high school as long as their parents can write a check
  
• Befriend (but, with the exception of one, do not date) your sister’s exes your freshman year in college and make her sorta hate you for it for the rest of your lives, especially when you do date and then marry one of them ten years later
  Love ya, Kath! Thanks for grooming those nice guys for me!
  
• Make the best friends you could ever ask for, and keep them the rest of your life
  You know who you are and I love you.