Feb. 24: Filet-induced coma

Last night Victor and I celebrated our anniversary at Morton’s, the most perfect restaurant in existence of which I’m aware. The fact that it’s across the street from where our Broadway in Portland shows are held makes it tempting to eat there before every show, but it’s too expensive to go that often. Instead, it’s our special occasion place.

When Vic made the reservations they asked if we were celebrating, and he told them it was our anniversary. So when we got there last night, three different people immediately said “Happy Anniversary!” to us—so nice. They had a booth prepared for us; it was one of those big U-shaped ones and they seated us not across from each other, but right next to each other. I think it was supposed to be more intimate this way, but we had to turn toward each other to talk so it was a little awkward. But hey, we’ve been married 12 years. We didn’t need to talk, right?

My favorite part of their warm welcome: our menu said “Morton’s Wishes You A Happy Anniversary!” with the date underneath. Yes, I realize they probably have them printed for every day of the year. It was still a nice touch.

We opted not to see the table presentation of the menu items, having eaten there enough times to know what cut of meat we’d each order. I certainly did not miss having the live lobster—which, let’s face it, is nothing more than a giant creepy-crawly bug—reaching for me. The first time I saw it I didn’t realize it was alive, and when it moved it scared the shit out of me. (OK, not really.) (But I was frightened.)

They started out with a round loaf of bread that is not my favorite. It’s onion-y. It’s also not cut, so it’s totally messy whether you try to cut it or tear off a piece. The little onions on the outside go flying, as well as the crust. I don’t understand why some restaurants don’t cut the bread they bring to the table, especially when it’s a shape that’s virtually impossible to break into without smashing most of it. Macaroni Grill’s bread is the same way. Also, it seems kind of unsanitary for everyone at the table to be manhandling (breadhandling?) the bread. But whatever… At Morton’s, the butter is cold and fresh and makes even one’s least favorite type of bread completely edible. Nummers.

We each had the Morton’s salad—iceberg and romaine lettuce with blue cheese dressing and chopped egg. It doesn’t sound too special, but it was surprisingly good.

This is when I realized that they’ve changed their menu a little. The salad I’ve ordered in the past was a warm spinach salad with a Dijon vinaigrette that sounds yucky but was absolutely flavorful and delicious. It’s no longer on the menu. There were lots of other changes too, mostly small and not too noticeable. I do not remember Mr. Morton ever seeking out my approval for these changes, so I was slightly disappointed, although it made me feel a little less guilty about all the vacuuming they’d need to do around our table after we left (stupid onion bread).

My favorite cut of meat is the filet mignon (duh) and at Morton’s I always order the petite filet because I am such a petite flower. Also because the side dishes are so big and delicious; I need room for them. Last night we chose the sautéed garlic green beans and mashed potatoes. The steaks are served with Béarnaise sauce. There were oh-so-many Perfect Bites™, Sherilee—just perfect. Can’t remember if you’re a big steak eater, but I thought of you.

Victor also ordered shrimp Alexander and a crab cake. They were stinky, but not moving or trying to git me.

Dessert? But of course! We ordered Morton’s Legendary Hot Chocolate Cake (formerly their Godiva chocolate soufflé, or something like that—another menu change) and Key lime pie. We each took a couple bites of both and realized we’d explode if we ate any more. They boxed them up for us to take home. Late last night we ate the pie, but the cake is in the fridge and I’m not sure it’ll be there when Victor gets home from work today… it’s totally calling my name right now…

We’ve never left Morton’s without racking up a bill that’s right around $140, even without wine. This, of course, is why we don’t go there more often. But last week we got a promotional flyer in the mail for a special they’re running through the end of March: Steak & Seafood for Two. Here’s the link to the menu choices for the special—best of all, it’s just $99. Yes, it’s still crazy expensive, but if you’re a Morton’s lover (Lori), you know that’s a pretty darn good deal. I normally hate going into restaurants like that with a coupon, but they didn’t make us feel cheap at all. Our server said several times that it was a great deal, and also told us we could get larger steaks for extra $$, or where we could switch out some items.

A near-perfect meal, and pretty good companionship too. No one yelled about the mess we made with our bread. Neither of us exploded. We’re still happily married. That made for a nice evening all around.

Oh, and on the way home we stopped at Home Depot to buy a new toilet plunger. I know, I know: we’re hopelessly romantic.