stuff jen says: Jun. 27: Are you an Oregonian?

Here’s a forwarded forwarded forwarded forwarded e-mail I received today.

You probably live in Oregon if:

...someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there
...you’ve worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time
...you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number
...you measure distance in hours
...you know several people who have hit a deer more than once
...you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day
...you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked
...you can drive 75 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching (applies to Central, Southern or Eastern Oregonians only)
...you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over two layers of clothes or under a raincoat
...driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice
...you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction
...you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash
...you know more than ten ways to order coffee
...you know more people who own boats than air conditioners
...you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal
...you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it’s not a real mountain
...you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Dutch Bros.
...you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon
...you know how to correctly pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Abiqua, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette
...you consider swimming an indoor sport
...you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling
...you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food
...you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho
...you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain
...you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists
...you buy new sunglasses every year because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time

Not sure about all of these, but the Halloween costume? Definitely.

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facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

What do you love? Books. Coffee. Fonts. Broadway musicals. San Francisco. Bacon. Rum. Law & Order. Naps. Butter. Home. Crack cocaine. iDevices. Words. Disney vacations. You.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.

4 comments:

ch-kJune 27, 2009 at 2:34:00 PM PDT
Most of those fit Colorado - 'cept the boat
JenJune 27, 2009 at 7:12:00 PM PDT
Kath, the only weirdly-named things in your area aren't hard to pronounce: Punkin Center, Hobby Lobby, King Soopers, Fantastic Sams, Dicks... they're just weird.
AnonymousJune 28, 2009 at 12:08:00 AM PDT
Most of those apply to Washingtonians as well, or maybe just this one since I lived in Oregon for 30 years.
ch-kJune 27, 2011 at 12:22:00 PM PDT
Most of those fit Colorado - 'cept the boat

Hey, please don’t leave an anonymous comment.
Select “Name/URL” below and you can use whatever name you want. No registration required.
Thanks! –Jen

Jun. 27: Are you an Oregonian?

You probably live in Oregon if:

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