Mar. 4: PT is stinky

I went to my physical therapy appointment yesterday even though I felt like shiat because I’m a good little patient. And I’m actually glad I went, because remember how I said the other day that I wasn’t sure it’d do any good? Well, I can already tell it’s going to do some good. And you people say I’m close-minded and stubborn and incontinent and resistant to change. Little do YOU know; I haven’t wet my pants in weeks. Take that!

The coolest part of yesterday’s session was that I got these resistance bands—I think they’re latex or something; they totally stink, whatever they are—that I use for stretching exercises. They look sorta like this:

(That ain’t me.)

I stick this strap/loop thing in the door and close it, then put one of the stinky bands in a loop on the strap and yank the hell out of it (haha, that’s what she said). I can totally feel it working my weakened muscles and it’s way cool because it doesn’t hurt, except that I think the whole thing would be improved if the stinky band was a feather boa. I asked Lisa, my physical therapist, if they had anything fancier and she said, “I guess a feather boa would go perfectly with the IV pole dancing, huh?” See why I love her?

The only reason Lisa knew about the pole dancing is that at my first appointment we talked about the chemo process, and I told her how my friends turn chemo into a big ol’ party and make it the most fun thing about having cancer. It’s not like the rumors are going around that girls are IV pole dancing in the chemo room upstairs. Well, there might be rumors going around, but if there are, Lisa totally pretended not to have heard them. She could just be the queen of discretion.

For my next PT session, I’m wearing something sparkly, for sure. Maybe that way Lisa will be impressed and give me the good exercises. I’m going for the record books—maybe the “Most Likely to Be-Dazzle Her Way Back to Health” category? I can sooo win that one.