You know the “Yo Momma’s So Fat...” game? I can play it with my mom, but-cept it’s “Yo Momma’s So Mean...” Because if you’ve been paying attention you know that my mom’s mom is one evil wench (scroll down the page). Yesterday’s post at Passive-Aggressive Notes made me think my grandma and that guy’s Memaw are the same person. Go ahead, follow the link; I’ll wait.
I was going to write about this last week but then Grandma lost part of her finger when she slammed it in a door and I felt kinda bad. And since then she’s been in the hospital a couple times for observation because she was showing signs she had a stroke. It didn’t seem like a very good time to write about how nasty she can be.
Even now, I’m not sure I should do it, because if Grandma dies anytime soon everyone’s going to play “Yo Daughta’s So Bitchy...” with my mom. So let’s look at the up-side: either way, my mom gets to play a game! Lucky Mary. So here we go:
Yo momma’s so mean... she didn’t send me a birthday card. For most people this would not be a big deal, but Grandma only sends cards, and to her, they’re equal to a gift and even merit a thank-you card in return. For her not to send a birthday card is either an oversight for which she’d apologize profusely once realized, or a classic passive-aggressive move. Also, Grandma has two grandchildren. TWO. It ain’t that hard for her to remember our birthdays.
Yo momma’s so mean... she showers her other granddaughter with cards AND gifts on her birthday. Doesn’t even feel bad about it when my birthday comes six weeks later.
Yo momma’s so mean... she ignores your reminders that “Jen’s birthday is coming up!” It’s a noble effort, Mom. Thanks for doing your part.
(This whole birthday thing actually doesn’t bother me in the least anymore; I find it hilarious and think Grandma must have some huge balls to try to get away with it.)
Yo momma’s so mean... she’s still pissing and moaning about having to send me $13 a month for her cell phone. It doesn’t matter that four different people have explained to her that she’s paying for the service, not the phone. She still thinks I’m trying to get $$ out of her for a phone that she’s positive she’s paid enough for already. As Kathy says, “Whatev.”
Yo momma’s so mean... she sent Jack a card after he broke his arm. Right before my birthday. When most grandmothers are putting BIRTHDAY CARDS TO THEIR GRANDDAUGHTERS in the mail.
Yo momma’s so mean... she wrote inside Jack’s card “Tell Daddy to take you and Katie out for some ice cream” and enclosed $5. Yeah, tell Daddy. Because apparently Jack doesn’t have a mommy. Poor Jack. Well, $5 oughta make it all better.
Yo momma’s so mean... she hangs up on you all the time. This one actually pisses me off. On the rudeness scale, I think hanging up on people is right up there with spitting on them. I always say that my grandma hangs up on people because it’s her way of stomping off in a huff, which is difficult to do when you have one leg.
I really am a bitch, huh? This poor invalid woman. Gah. Unfortunately, I could go on and on. I will stop now, but only because I have to go to work. Besides, I think my eternal hellfire and damnation fate has now been secured, and ultimately, y’know, that’s my goal.
Kathy, feel free to add anything I may have forgotten.
Jen, having grown up with an evil grandmother (this one was my father's mother) I can totally empathize with you. Many of the things you list sound like her, I'm lucky though, she finally kicked the damn bucket two years ago. Not that I'd spoken to her for the 5 years prior to that but still it's good to know she's rotting in hell (if I believed in hell).
ReplyDeleteJen, having grown up with an evil grandmother (this one was my father's mother) I can totally empathize with you. Many of the things you list sound like her, I'm lucky though, she finally kicked the damn bucket two years ago. Not that I'd spoken to her for the 5 years prior to that but still it's good to know she's rotting in hell (if I believed in hell).
ReplyDelete