Oct. 20: Delicioso

The other night I gave in to temptation and had a bowl of pasta. It was delicious. The textures! The flavors! The colors! It’d been a long time since I’d eaten such a satisfying meal. Oh, it was simply lovely.

So I ate another bowl.

And because I couldn’t stop thinking about it, a couple hours later I had a little more. I have no self-control, which is exactly the reason I started to cut carbs in the first place.

Carbohydrates keep me fat. Fat increases the risk for all sorts of things that could kill me. That is not my goal, to die. I would like to live long enough to see which one of my kids is going to put me in a nursing home so I can re-write my will before I go all nutty. So I really need to not be eating three bowls of pasta every evening.

I just need to make these indulgences even less frequent. And that angers me because carbs are delicious and make me happy, and cutting carbs is not fun and makes me want to do bad things. Bad things to people that eat carbs freely and without guilt. I hate those people.

So let’s look at the bright side: occasionally I’ll slip, and that doesn’t make me a totally bad person. My addictions could be worse, couldn’t they? I mean, I could have an extreme craving for drugs or alcohol, and then I would endanger not just myself, but other people. I could be like my sister and use my drinking problem as an excuse to kill adorable little bunnies and pet spiders and my son’s friends I don’t like. (To be fair, it was just that one kid, and she didn’t kill him so much as try to kill him. Also, I think she was completely sober at the time. He was just a real shit-head.)