May 16: Field trip suckage

Yesterday was the Sternwheeler field trip for the third graders. Here’s what we were told about the schedule for the day:

Upon arrival, the whole third grade will be divided into two groups. One group will take the ride on the Sternwheeler first. The other group will remain on shore. You will be told a time at which you should return to the given spot. You will have about one hour. Please walk your group down the esplanade and over the Hawthorne Bridge to eat lunch on the other side of the river. After about an hour, the groups will switch.

There were approximately 100 kids and 30-40 adults (teachers and parent chaperones). My charges were in the “walk first” group, so after getting off the buses at OMSI—on the east side of the river—we walked north to the Hawthorne Bridge and across it. Sometime along the way we adults were told that the Sternwheeler was not at the dock and there was some concern about a misunderstood schedule. No one knew what to do, so we continued walking. Eventually we ended up near the Riverplace marina, where the kids ate their lunches.

While we sat in the sunshine—it was a beautiful day!—and ate, several of the Willamette River jet boats showed off in front of us. There was much hootin’ and hollerin’ from the kids as they watched all the cool stuff the jet boats did. I thought, “They are going to be soooo disappointed to see the Sternwheeler after this.”

Because this is what the jet boats look like:

And this is where we were headed:

 

During lunch, the teachers were able to figure out what happened with our reservations—the Sternwheeler people had written us down for Saturday. Because, you know, schools go on Saturday field trips ALL THE TIME.

All was not lost, however; soon we saw our boat come chugging down the river. We met up with it, and the other half of the third graders, at Riverplace. That’s where we were told that because both groups were riding at the same time, only one teacher and one parent chaperone from each class would be able to ride. Some classes flipped coins, others played rock-paper-scissors. Lovely Lori H suggested an arm wrestling contest for our class, but the decision was made for us. So we waved goodbye to the third graders and those farkers that run the Sternwheeler and strolled further down Riverplace for a beverage.

After an hour or so, we abandoned chaperones walked back over to OMSI and waited for the boat to come back. The kids appeared to have had a good time, except for two in my group who said it was a rip-off because the captain wouldn’t give them stuff to drink. (insert crying baby third grader sound here)

It was a looooong bus ride back to the school, but there was one funny moment. Stopped at a light, a car pulled up next to us with a shirtless male driver. I don’t think it was the fact the guy was shirtless that made the kids scream “GROSS!” with all the windows open. It was that the guy was shirtless AND had giant hairy moobs. I had to agree—that dude seriously needed a mansierre/bro. A good waxing wouldn’t have hurt either.

Here’s how the field trip was summed up on Facebook upon our return:

Lovely Lori H: hates field trips when it is all trip and no field. :(
Lisa D: I agree and by the way I am sunburned!
Me: That was quite possibly the suckiest sucking field trip that ever sucked.
Cassie: happy, happy sunshine!!! (Clearly, Cassie was drunk the whole day)

Fine. It could have all gone much worse. No one ended up in the poopy Willamette River. We didn’t lose any kids. We couldn’t have asked for more perfect weather. We got some good exercise and lots of time for chit-chat. If not for being turned away at our whole reason for being downtown, the day would’ve been pretty awesome.