It’s too hot to think up a super-duper clever way to wish my sister a happy birthday. I know, you all think this makes me just about the worst sister ever. Sorry. Here is my very sincere and un-clever birthday wish for Kathy:
I hope you live long enough to light a disgusting little death stick cigarette with the candles on your 100th birthday cake. That’d be an awesome thing to see. Just don’t follow it with a coughing fit all over the cake because that would gross me out and I totally want a piece of that cake. In fact, if you could put some fade cream on those age spots I’d be able to look at you without gagging and that would help too. And is it too much to ask you to try a little Botox? ‘Cuz, um, dooooood! Sheesh.
Happy Birthday, Kathy! I hope it’s one of your most memorable ones ever!
I love you best of all, seester of mine, no matter what your BFF Lori says. Girl, you know it’s true.
Feel free to share your birthday message for Kathy in a comment. And please don’t make it cleverer than mine, because that’ll just make me look worse. Thanks.