Today I saw the surgeon for a follow-up on my surgery 12 days ago. Before the surgery we weren’t sure exactly what it was that was being removed from my abdominal wall, but they called it a tumor. The guess was that the mass of painful whatever-it-was was most likely scar tissue or a hematoma.
After the surgery they sent my guts to a pathologist. I was eager to hear the results as soon as possible, and when no one called me about it I decided to assume there was no bad news to report. Ignorant, maybe, but come on! Wouldn’t they have called me?
It turns out the tumor was not a tumor, but endometrial tissue. What most likely happened was tissue from the inside of my uterus fell on my abdominal wall during one of my C-sections. This is not all that unusual, the surgeon said, but is normally irrigated and cleaned up before everything gets stitched up again. Apparently a tiny amount was left (lucky me) and it grew for the past 7-9 years, eventually causing sharp pain and extremely bitchy behavior.
And here’s why I say it’s no wonder I was such a bitch: this mass of endometrial tissue had grown to the size of a chicken egg. An EGG!
Of course, the best news is that there was no cancer found in my guts, and because the endometrial tissue was all removed, this should not happen again.
A dear friend of mine—the same one that suggested the tumor could be a hairball, you remember her—said she thought I was being kind of a wimp about recovery for 
having laparoscopic surgery. I would like to point out that although laparoscopy was the plan when we thought the lump was a hernia, as soon as we determined it was something mysterious, the surgeon said he would have to do traditional surgery. I was not a wimp, Dear Friend, for taking a week to get up and around after having my belly cut open and letting my 5-inch long incision heal. Neither am I trying to steal Obama’s thunder today with my good news of “no malignancy found.” You may now commence apologizing profusely, emoticon-challenged Dear Friend.
Also, I’m kind of embarrassed because now you all know I have a uterus. Please don’t blab it.
lmao well I am very glad to hear that you got it all taken care of, that it wasn't a tumor or a hair ball and that all is now well with the world of Jen. :)
ReplyDeleteI too am very glad to find out it wasn't a tumor or a hair ball. Also....I promise I won't let the word out that you DO have a uterus. After all....that information is protected by HIPAA
ReplyDeleteI don't remember actually saying you were being a wimp... let the record show that I said IF you had the procedure laparoscopically, THEN this amount of pain seemed to indicate a low pain threshold. Or some such unsympathetic thing. And about the Obama thing... come on, coincidence? I think not. Here he is, about to have his great day, and all the media outlets are not covering you. Hardly seems fair.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that little eggy hairball can now be laid to rest. My apology for any gigglin' at your expense is sincere. And profuse. But it's hard to make that apology over the sound of YOUR laughter at my pathetic attempts at emoticons.
Lovies! Dear Friend
Oh jeez. NOW covering you.
ReplyDeleteNow my list of "Reasons I'm Glad I'm Not a Woman" is up to 4,372 entries. No, it's not misogynistic! Y'all have to put up with a lot of crazy s**t.
ReplyDeletelmao well I am very glad to hear that you got it all taken care of, that it wasn't a tumor or a hair ball and that all is now well with the world of Jen. :)
ReplyDelete