Jan. 7: My advance directive

I went through pre-surgery orientation yesterday and now I can’t sleep. I’m really eager to get this over with tomorrow.

They asked if I have an advance directive. I do not. I have a will that was written a few years ago but hasn’t been notarized. That whole “being of sound mind and body” thing has me stumped; would any attorney, physician, or notary believe that I am of sound mind? Because it’s when I try the hardest to seem normal that I seem to be of the least sound mind. Or… whatever.

So here’s the deal: I don’t want to be kept alive by machines. That’s not living.

However…

If I can watch TV, change the channel with my mind (or a remote, I guess), have people bring me food and tasty beverages and change my diaper, THAT, my friend, is living large! Oh man, a diaper would be so awesome. Why are old people grouchy? They get such great stuff, lucky dogs.

If Victor and I both kick the bucket(s), Katie and Jack will go to Kathy. There’s a good chance that if we’re still living when K&J reach their teens, we’ll fake our deaths just to get Kathy to raise them, then reappear when they’re adults and be the long-thought-dead heroes. Yay, Jen and Vic! Oh, what an ordeal they must have been through! Please don’t tell anyone we were living in Canada the whole time.

I need someone to update my Facebook status to say that I’m dead. And a ghostwriter to keep this here blog going for years to come. Volunteers?

There might be other stuff too. I’ll re-read this after I’ve gotten some sleep and edit as needed.

5 comments:

  1. You're goofy. I can't believe you don't have an official will or advanced directive. Download a form today and make Vic you're health care power of attorney.

    I could also be your "Elaine" and "yank it" when it becomes necessary. ;)

    Let me know...xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are too funny - and you've reminded me we still need to get our wills notarized also.

    Good luck on the surgery!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Do what I did, nothing official, just told my friend to give me the two week rule, no change, then come in and tell the family to get over it and pull my plug.

    Hope all went well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Our advanced directives are explicit,
    no feeding and no watering. Nothing to unplug that way. You'll be fine tomorrow, but have Vic update us just the same! :) I'll be thinking about you...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Our advanced directives are explicit,
    no feeding and no watering. Nothing to unplug that way. You'll be fine tomorrow, but have Vic update us just the same! :) I'll be thinking about you...

    ReplyDelete

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