Jan. 7: My advance directive

I went through pre-surgery orientation yesterday and now I can’t sleep. I’m really eager to get this over with tomorrow.

They asked if I have an advance directive. I do not. I have a will that was written a few years ago but hasn’t been notarized. That whole “being of sound mind and body” thing has me stumped; would any attorney, physician, or notary believe that I am of sound mind? Because it’s when I try the hardest to seem normal that I seem to be of the least sound mind. Or… whatever.

So here’s the deal: I don’t want to be kept alive by machines. That’s not living.

However…

If I can watch TV, change the channel with my mind (or a remote, I guess), have people bring me food and tasty beverages and change my diaper, THAT, my friend, is living large! Oh man, a diaper would be so awesome. Why are old people grouchy? They get such great stuff, lucky dogs.

If Victor and I both kick the bucket(s), Katie and Jack will go to Kathy. There’s a good chance that if we’re still living when K&J reach their teens, we’ll fake our deaths just to get Kathy to raise them, then reappear when they’re adults and be the long-thought-dead heroes. Yay, Jen and Vic! Oh, what an ordeal they must have been through! Please don’t tell anyone we were living in Canada the whole time.

I need someone to update my Facebook status to say that I’m dead. And a ghostwriter to keep this here blog going for years to come. Volunteers?

There might be other stuff too. I’ll re-read this after I’ve gotten some sleep and edit as needed.