July 8: A 'Hairspray' mystery

Y'know how your aerosol hair spray sometimes gets all gunked up and sprays in a totally different direction than you aim? Yesterday I sprayed myself right in the eye. Twice.

I decided right then and there that I hate hair spray and I'm not going to use it again until I need it.

The movie musical version of Hairspray opens in a couple weeks. I liked the John Waters movie with Ricki Lake and Divine. I loved the Broadway musical version with Marissa Jaret Winokur and Harvey Fierstein (though I saw it on tour with lesser stars). And when I first heard they were making a movie of the musical I was immediately confident I would love that version too.

Until they announced John Travolta would be playing Edna Turnblad.

I have never been a John Travolta fan. Although I watched Welcome Back, Kotter, it was really in spite of him. I never understood why girls swooned. I never tore his picture out of Tiger Beat and put it on my wall. When his career took a dive I didn't really notice or miss him. And when it came back after he appeared in Pulp Fiction, I didn't really care. I think he's incredibly unattractive, can't stand the sound of his voice, and don't see him even remotely close to being a sex symbol.

I'm really not trying to be mean. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice guy (although being friends with Tom Cruise is cause for concern) and he seems like a good family man. I guess he's a decent actor. But personally, I've never understood all the hype.

This new movie seems almost perfectly cast (click the poster pic for a big version): Christopher Walken, Zac Efron, Michelle Pfeiffer, Brittany Snow, Amanda Bynes, James Marsden, Allison Janney, Queen Latifah, and a newcomer in the role of Tracy. There will even be some smartly cast cameos. So why someone decided it was a good idea to dress up John Travolta as a woman, this woman, is beyond my comprehension. Sure, it's worth a chuckle to see the picture, but a whole movie? Where he'll actually speak, scream, sing and dance?

I'm not saying Divine and Harvey were gorgeous women, but they pretty much just gave them curves on their already big frames to look female-ish. John Travolta in a fat suit looks all soft and squooshy as Edna, like a guy in a fat suit trying to play a woman. Me no likey.

I'll still see the movie because I love the music and the rest of the cast. And I'll probably not hate the new Edna as much as I've planned to. But I still want answers. And no one in Hollywood is returning my calls.

Pfft.

--Jen