In Laurie Notaro's book, The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club, she tells about running over a gas can that then gets wedged under her car. She doesn't know it, though, and calls AAA because surely such a noise means that her car is about to die. Before the tow truck arrives a policeman stops and discovers the gas can. He gets it out from under the car and leaves laughing. Laurie is humiliated.
As I read this I thought, "Oh yeah, she's an idiot girl, all right." Because I probably would have done the same thing. I mean, I can't imagine how she ran over a big gas can without realizing it, but I could identify with just about everything else.
I cannot change a tire. I know what a flat one looks like but I don't know the first thing to do about it, especially if it's raining. If you asked me to point to my battery I might be able to do that because they show car batteries on TV commercials. Spark plug, whuh? I don't know what a carburetor does or looks like. Because I live in Oregon, I'm not allowed to know how to pump gas. And while traveling out of state I make someone else do it because I get gas all over my hands and am pretty sure I would not-so-spontaneously combust if I don't clean it off properly. I wouldn't know where to check my oil if you held a gun to my head. And if you asked me to point to my clutch I'd have to think about it for a little while before I remember I drive an automatic (they don't come equipped with clutches, right?).
My dad would be so ashamed. I made it a special point to not ever mention any of these things to him while he was alive. Right now his ashes--which are on top of my china cabinet--are creating a tornado, I'm sure; otherwise my china's rattling around for a totally different reason.
I know how to turn on my hazard lights. I have AAA. I pay my membership fee every year and the only thing I have ever asked in return is that they give me some travel guides and maps. So I think calling one of their dudes to come change a tire for me wouldn't be such a bad thing, especially if it's raining. Vic is incredibly ashamed that I think that. I try to not ever mention my lack of car knowledge to him because he'll drag me out by the hair and make me change tires until I can do it like a pit crew.
I pull the "helpless and naive idiot girl" card when it helps me most. Don't we all?
--Jen
July 10: Car talk
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Jen, I don't think Dad had clue one about most of that car stuff either. He would have definitely acted ashamed, though. I remember he put chains on our car once. That's about it. Oh, and he could WASH a car, too. Maybe you just need to shake the handle on your "china cabinet."
ReplyDeleteHey, Ladies!
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think they invented AAA? For men to get directions? NO WAY! I have used them to change a tire in the rain, and I know how to change a tire. I just didn't want to do it in the rain. I was dressed nice, and I don't think that I should have to get ready twice because of some stupid tire. If you pay the membership fee for AAA, why not use it?
Thank you, Sheila, for affirming my potential AAA usage. It might make Vic hate you a little, but I'm sure when he is introduced to Qdoba at your recommendation he'll forgive you. :)
ReplyDelete