Jun. 9: Grandma stories

My grandma is at Kathy’s right now. That means my mom is on vacation from Grandma’s special brand of crazy that includes 14 calls a day, half of which end in angry hang-ups (on the crazy end). Two weeks is a nice, long vacation for Mom! Two weeks is an awfully long time for anyone to spend with my grandmother. This makes Kathy a bit of a saint.

While Kathy understands how Grandma drives us all nuts—she pulls $#!+ with Kathy too, to a lesser degree—she has more patience with Grandma than Mom and I do, and that’s how Grandma got an invitation to Colorado. At the end of these two weeks, I think Kathy will have her own special brand of crazy as well. In fact, after reading some of her Facebook Grandma-related status updates, I’m quite sure of it.

UPDATE: Kathy just texted me to say she’s taking Grandma to the E.R. because she was extra-delusional this morning. However, I’m publishing this post anyway because it’s mostly nice/silly Grandma stuff, not the usual evil I spew when her name comes up.

Here are some from the first few days of Grandma’s stay at Kathy’s:

Kathy is anticipating her visit from Nana!! Two weeks of shoplifting and great parking spaces!!

“Nana” (the great-grandchildren call her that, so Kath and I started to, too) has been known to catch things on parts of her wheelchair while shopping and drag them around. Sometimes she’s dragged them out of the store. And sometimes she’s dragged them home. Obviously, we’re all asking Kathy to take her to the Coach store as much as possible.

Kathy wants a good run today! Lovin’ the Nana visit so far!!

…and a few hours later:

Kathy is ready to kick up the joy a notch~!

I like to think these two are related, but it’s probably Kathy just being Kathy.

Me: Nana, I’m snacky. Are you hungry?

Nana: I just had breakfast. No thanks. Count me out. I’m so full I could burst.

Me: Oh, a breakfast brownie sounds tasty. Want one?

Nana: Sure!

Sounds like giant puppy Karma is enjoying Nana’s visit too:

Nana: Hey dog, get off me. Honey, can you get him off me?

Me: Nana, Karma’s a girl.

Nana: Well, he won’t get off me.

One of my favorites:

Nana: Honey, listen to me. There is nothing more important than having a good man.

Me: Nana, I can’t hear you. This tube cutter is too noisy.

During a shopping trip (which ended in no new handbags, WTF???):

The skidmark up the front of my pants would indicate that Nana stops for NO one when there’s a clearance rack!

I’m just glad Kath clarified the skidmark was on the FRONT of her pants.

The heat is incredible tonight. I think I hear Nana popping wheelies in the hallway. So she’s hot, bored, living out some Evel Knievel fantasy.

The next day:

Nana: Honey, I need to do some laundry like my underwear. Cuz I change every day.

Me: Um, thank you???

This one’s the best:

Just won a bet with Nana, which means her missing leg is now a “shark incident.”

And the most recent one:

Nana lives in a very welcoming senior community. When she heard a buzzer yesterday she yelled, COME IN!

Me: Nana, first of all, don’t just yell for someone to come in without knowing who it is. Second of all, that was the dryer.

Sherilee, while these aren’t the evil stories you prefer, they’re good and silly, and I hope that’s enough. I’m kinda glad that’s all I’ve got right now!